Letters to the Editor
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Responsibility goes both ways
Cary I agree that the friend sounds like a jerk, and that submitting a bill for expenses is really bad form. But couldn't your argument about responsibility in an inherently dangerous practice apply equally to the injured person? He, too, knew the risks, including the risk of relying on someone new and unfamiliar to the sport.
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Climbing is dangerous
It's hard to tell by the orignal writer what exactly happened. Did the boyfriend fall or what was meant by coming down too fast?
The responsiblity with climbing goes to the climber. You want a responsible belayer as well. From the sound of it the boyfriend was both self belaying and had "Joe" as a belayer. How the self belayer device failed isn't mentioned.
Did Joe allow too much slack in the rope? If so, your boyfriend should have noticed this and said something, and how could your boyfriend come down faster than expected without excess slack? If the fall was the result of your boyfriend not setting a chock correctly, then it's his fault and not the friends.
You were there, was proper form being used, did your boyfriend yell "falling" was he calling for On Belay and Off Belay, or was this a more experience climber, your boyfriend showing off to a less experience climber and falling?
Perhaps the "Joe" person could be more understanding, but that assumes he actually did something wrong that contributed to the fall, and you haven't actually shown that yet.
When you climb, you take responsibity for yourself and your safety.
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Gri-Gri
OK, it sounds to me like this belayer was using a Gri-Gri and used it incorrectly.
Which is possible to do, as a beginner.
But you never, never, never drop your climber. Never. And now that he has, he's probably guilty, and trying to deny his guilt in all sorts of ways. And adults just don't do that. Adults say, I'm sorry I messed up and something bad happened, what can I do to make it as right as I can?
I agree with Cary. Aside from his climbing skills this guy has a serious character flaw. I'd say avoid him at all costs.
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I don't get her issue
Here's my quick take as a long-ago climber. Climbing partners take responsibility for one another. If something happens on the route, they work it out or they don't work it out. I've never heard of an uninvolved third party getting into a dispute between climbing partners. This LW needs to deal with her anger on her own. The situation on the climb is none of her business.
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ick.
Give up being a transparent, judgy people pleaser and concentrate on being a kind and compassionate person.
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I'm with Cary
The guy doesn't express any remorse for an accident that nearly kills his friend and he has the motherfarking nerve to bill him for expenses? Are you kidding me? Who the hell does that? Cary's right, you don't need this person in your life.
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P.S.
Even if the guy has absolutely no responsibility for the accident, you don't charge a friend for driving expenses when he's in the hospital recovering from a serious head injury. It's a shitty thing to do no matter what.
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Good advice above. I'll add this:
Climbing teaches us a lot of life lessons. Most people in the climbing community that I've hung around with are extremely responsible people, because the sport requires it. You have to rely on your partners, and your partners have to rely on you. Listening, paying attention, communicating, remaining calm and alert, and working as a team are all nonnegotiable. So is taking responsibility for mistakes. All of these things should have been stressed to Joe when he was being trained, and those training him should have had their sixth sense up about how he was receiving such instruction. Also, basic training for belaying your partner includes the fact that you can't catch the rope with your hands, and that your hands can get caught in the belay device (or whatever was being used). Joe was a novice at climbing, but perhaps those who trained him also were novices at training new climbers.
You don't let just anyone hold the other end of the rope that is safeguarding your life. Now the LW and the boyfriend know what they should have tried to pick up on before climbing with Joe. Unfortunately, they learned the hard way what this guy's character is made of. They should not climb with him again. And they should be more judicious about who they climb with in the future.
They can blow this guy off. Or, they can have a frank but kind discussion with Joe about the failings of all involved, then suggest that each learns from the past and moves forward into the future with a clean slate. Then see if he has learned anything from the incident or not, and decide whether you want to maintain the friendship based on how he behaves from here on out. But still don't climb or do any extreme sport with him.
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gri-gris are not for ice climbing!
It could have been a different sort of auto-locking belay device, but if indeed it was a Gri-Gri, then the climber/teacher should have known that these are NOT made for use in ice-climbing, as they are not designed to lock onto a frozen (or even thin/cold) rope.
In addition, although these are auto-locking devices, the proper belay position is still "never let go of the brake hand" (effectively backing up the cam mechanism with a standard friction belay). The teacher/climber should have emphasized this statement over the "auto-locking" aspect.
Accidents are an unfortunate part of the sport (then again, perhaps they serve as a fortunate illuminator of something we need to learn...?) but unless they are single-person accidents there is never a single person at fault. As the user manuals say, "climbing is dangerous!". :)
Best wishes to your boyfriend. May he recover to climb again soon!
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this is what wiki says about grigri
"Belayers using a Gri-Gri need full-attention on their climber and skillful operation to ensure safety" (thanks, Kyrialyse). the letters all show strong emotion to this - and no wonder, it's a life and death situation. my own experience was one rock climb. i didn't have that sort of equipment (it was in the early days, maybe late sixties). you wrapped the rope around your waist and in some sort of knot - and i didn't pay that much attention, just like joe. i was good at the climbing part, but i "fell out of belay" - that's what my belaying partner shouted. and i knew something was serious. i arched my back and fortunately lived to tell the tale. (now you understand why it was *one* time - like football, i decided, "david, this just isn't your sport"). however i realized something. you really trust - and need to trust - your partner. it's as intense as comrades in war. this can never be with joe any more. it's no sin - in fact it's very human - to blame him for the injury. go ahead! your boyfriend needs to realize that a full course of instruction - and practicing out - is necessary. you don't just "pick this up" as you go along. the fact that joe can't realize what he did makes him a Bad Friend. i think you should use all your feminine powers to break this friendship, it's for the best (your boyfriend). now DON'T DUMP ON ME! i'm a father and that's what i'd tell my daughter.