Letters to the Editor
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awake
Should be "awake at the wheel."
Now that we have to register to post, could we please edit our letters?
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dreaming, daring, doing
Being a hero is rather like being an artist. Create something (change, opportunity, justice, etc.). Make something (good) happen. Take action. Whether you call yourself heroic or mediocre is beside the point.
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...my aim in my life is to make pictures and drawings, as many and as well as I can; then, at the end of my life, I hope to pass away, looking back with love and tender regret, and thinking, “Oh, the pictures I might have made!” But this does not exclude making what is possible, mind you. Do you object to this, either for me or for yourself?
I wish painting would become such a fixed idea in your mind that the problem of “Am I an artist or am I not?” would be placed in the category of abstractions, and the more practical questions of how to put together a figure or a landscape, being more amusing, would come to the fore.
Theo, I declare I prefer to think how arms, legs, head are attached to the trunk, rather than whether I myself am more or less an artist or not.
I suppose that you prefer thinking of a sky with grey clouds, and their silver lining above a muddy field, to being engrossed in the question of your own personality. Oh, for all that, I know sometimes the mind is full of it, which is only natural. But look here, brother, even if our mind is now and then full of the problem, “Is there a God or is there not?” it is no reason for us to commit an ungodly act intentionally.
In the same way, in the matter of art, the problem, “Am I an artist or am I not?” must not induce us not to draw or not to paint. Many things defy definition, and I consider it wrong to fritter one's time away on them. Certainly when one's work does not go smoothly and one is checked by difficulties, one gets bogged in the morass of such thoughts and insoluble problems. And because one feels sorely troubled by it, the best thing to do is to conquer the cause of the distraction by acquiring a new insight into the practical part of the work.
-- Vincent van Gogh (Letter to Theo van Gogh, 19 November 1883)
[excerpted from http://webexhibits.org/vangogh/letter/13/338.htm]
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Pursuit of happiness
Dear LW:
I can speak to you as a kindred spirit; I too have enormous dreams. I too struggled with the decision: do I relentlessly pursue my dreams or settle into an "average" life? And I eventually overcame my difficulties, made the decision, and haven't looked back. So perhaps I can offer you some advice on how I got to where I (happily) am today.
My instinct tells me that any person who asks this question, who searches himself and is full of doubt, will never be truly happy unless he embraces the pursuit of his dreams. That's not to say he can't lead a happy life -- it's more to say that he will have regrets. He will have doubts. He may wake up at night, or feel trapped. At some point, when it is too late, he will look back on the many years of his life and wish with all his heart that he had pursued his dreams instead. So my first point of advice is: choose to do it; choose to find and follow your biggest dreams. Doubt and unhappiness will persist until you do so.
As for the logistics of doing it, I think you have one of two problems (possibly both):
1) You cannot decide what your big dream truly is.
2) For whatever reason, you simply aren't pursuing your dream.
I think that these two intertwine in a frustrating way. You must go through many little dreams before you find (and are able to cope with) your big dream, but in order to do that, you have to have the inner will to pursue the little dreams. Thus you can't decide what your dream is until you've learned how to pursue dreams, and you can't pursue it until you've learned what it is!
I started with easy stuff. I knew that I wanted to go to college. I knew that learning was on the path to my big dream, whatever it might be. College was exciting and something of which I was unafraid. It was delightfully easy to choose to go.
I tried out different majors. I took loads of classes. I tried poetry, art, math, science, everything I could think of. I kept with one major almost all four years, but the doubt inside me kept getting bigger and bigger -- and I realized, finally, "this isn't the dream." And a piece of knowledge about my dream crystalized then. So I switched majors, even though it meant taking an extra semester.
Then I floated around in the real world for a bit. Luckily, through introspection and general feeling around in the dark, I figured out the rest of what my big dream was. (In my case, I kept telling myself, "think bigger, think bigger, think BIGGER.") But then I found myself completely stuck with regard to how to pursue it. It felt like I was dragging my feet, like I didn't have the will to really go after it. I felt like I was beginning to settle for second best, for average.
What I ended up doing was moving to another country, thousands of miles away from home -- in part because it was something I'd always wanted to do (a little dream!), and in part because I knew that it would be really difficult to do. As a particularly shy wallflower, going through such a move was hellish. I had to face fears of mine near constantly (e.g., asking strangers for advice, being surrounded by crowds, learning the ins and outs of a new culture through loads of social interaction -- not to mention breaking up with my SO and becoming rather poor) . I was violently homesick. But I did it. And I learned then that I really could do anything I wanted -- I could decide, and then do it. I decided to move abroad, and I did it.
Ever since, I have started to take more and more steps towards my dreams, some of them towards small dreams, others towards the big one. I know now that I will do it.
Fear is insidious. Fear is not always adrenaline buzzed. Fear is the voice that whispers, "it's too far," "it's too expensive," "I don't feel like it right now." Fear is your autopilot. You must take the helm. Always take the path that is more difficult, because that is the path that fear doesn't want you to take.
Recognizing that you're afraid, and what you're afraid of, is probably the hardest thing that any person can do. People are afraid of being poor, so they stay with jobs that they hate. They are afraid of being alone, so they stay with partners who don't thrill them. These decisions can be like sinking into a swamp -- the further you let them go, the harder it can be to pull yourself out.
If you are going to find your dream, you must take some time to rid yourself of fear. I advise doing something huge first (as I did when I moved). It doesn't have to be the answer, it just has to help you learn that you DO have free will.