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Thursday, April 19, 2007 12:00 AM

I dream of living a heroic life but I fear I'm just mediocre

What can I do to realize my fantasies? Do I have any free will at all?

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  • Friday, April 20, 2007 08:01 AM

    Just be good

    First of all, thank you to all of the previous posters for such thoughtful, heartfelt responses. This is what I come to Salon to find!

    LW, I'll just echo what the previous posters have said: stop worrying about being a hero. It's always easier to dream of being Great than to actually & simply be Good. There's nothing wrong with grandiose fantasies, as long as you recognize that they ARE fantasies, somewhat ridiculous but satisfying, the way tasty junk food is satisfying. And that's all they are. The only good they'll do you in the real world is if they inspire you to get up & do something concrete.

    Your only real problem right now is that you're young & undecided. Clearly the prospect of choosing one particular path is scaring you, because you fear it'll shut off all other possibilities. While life isn't as drastically either/or as all that, it's true that you will have commit yourself to something eventually -- and one path is better than no path. There's still time for you to change direction in the future, if it comes to that.

    May Sarton once wrote that people who want to become saints never do; true saints are too busy doing their work, helping others, to think about themselves that way. It's the same with being a hero. It's not something you aspire to be. It's something that may happen to you while you live & work & do all the routine, everyday things. It's been said before: character is what you do when nobody's watching. So is heroism. Stop thinking about how you want others to see you. That's not heroism, that's ego.

    You don't have to live some Big Story For The Ages, you know. Maybe that big story is all the little, seemingly boring & banal stories of everyday life added up together. It's far more important to be a basically good, decent person, probably unnoticed & unrewarded by others, than it is to live on a self-designed pedestal in a perpetual spotlight. Funny thing is, most people won't think of that as heroism. They'll just think it's self-absorption.

    It's good, even vital to have dreams. But it's far more important to live them. And that means choosing some & letting others go. Life is precious & all too short -- don't waste too much more of it!

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