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There've been lot's of good comments already, but as a San Diegan who's moved away and back a few times, including a couple of years in NYC, I hope I can add something.
First off, for me, Cary is right. Leaving home then returning home is a great thing to do. Great at least if you learn something about yourself and home and being away in the process. (Of course, not every home is so great to start with, so it's easier if it's a place like NYC or SD you're talking about.)
It's funny to me how it can be hard to see home clearly. A lot of what you say about San Diego is true, but I have to stop to see it. SD doesn't handle negativity well (if at all). The official culture is militaristic out of proportion even to the military presence. The city's dreams rarely exceed comfort. But day to day, I notice none of this.
In my experience New Yorkers don't see New York so well either. It seems like competition seeps into every interaction and gesture there. That remains foreign and perverse to me. And I think there's also a willful lacunae for the very heart of the city: Wall Street and Midtown. The corporate mega-money of those places is seen as apart from Williamsburg et al if it's remarked on there at all. I suspect that the boundaryless competition results more from that money and attendant neurosis than it does from the city's density. There are lots of dense cities.
You have to get away to see those things and you've done that. Now, if you choose to go back you will see your home there better than you did before.
A last word or two of SD advice. It sounds like the beach culture, seductive as it is, isn't quite you. Try another part of town (though I don't at all like another writer's suggestion of Uptown or the Gaslamp). There are many beautiful parts of SD that are much more down to earth. And understand about the beauty of SD, that's cultural too. The city has made choices, and on balance, has done a decent job preserving or enhancing the city's beauty. It's important to us -- how and why is a good story -- not just something we lucked into. Which either makes us shallow or deep, depending on where you're coming from.