Letters to the Editor
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Don't be a hipster, don't be a nerd, just be yourself.
I feel like such a parent saying that!
You've touched on a key fustration I've had since highschool. Like you, I exist somewhere in the nerd-hipster spectrum. As a former art student, I was able to see the dichotomy first-hand. The hipsters were the ones that embraced the artist lifestyle while the nerds where the ones who actually made something worth a damn. But still, I desperately wanted to be like them (and more importantly, wanted to date some of them!)
The tough part about not falling squarely into a "type" is that you run the risk of people not getting you. As Cary pointed out, everyone wants to belong to a tribe. It helps other people to quickly identify you and understand what you are all about. You make friends much faster and find love easier.
But a life led by someone who is just being him or herself is ultimately deeper and potentially more rewarding. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting to cash in on that potential.
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Become a critic!
Youi know that old saying, "Those that can't do, write about it"?
LW, seems to me you are perfectly suited to become a style critic!
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or...
you can find coolness, hipness in being ORIGINAL (which most residents of williamsburg lack, i'm sorry to say). be a rockstar accountant, if accounting is what you love! why go be a hotel clerk just to hang on to people you think are cooler than you? forge your own path!
vans and trendy classes do not an interesting person make.
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Diversity is beautiful - embrace it. It shows depth of character.
People are going to tear you to shreds in this thread for sure, but I think you are very courageous to admit this. I have often struggled with identity issues and as a result felt better about myself when surrounded by people who reflected what I deemed as accepted and "cool". I once fell in love with the most beautiful man in the world who happened to be a nerd. I could never feel comfortable when we were out together, because I felt like people weren't seeing who I was, or who I was capable of being. Eventually my discomfort and self-esteem issues tore us apart and he left me for a woman who loves him for who he is.
Maybe you already realize that at the root of this problem is how you feel about yourself. Is it possible that if you dressed to reflect how you feel inside, you might feel that people in this new world still recognize the hipster that lurks within, along with the side that they relate to as the nerd? It seems that before you were dressing as a nerd and playing the part of the hipster, whereas now you are playing the part of the nerd - why not dress as the hipster and attempt to find your balance that way?
Whatever you end up doing, try to find a way to appreciate the diversity that is inside of you.
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nerds rock
The LW misses her youth and the boyfriend who was hip and made her feel hipper than she'd ever been. Well, yes, there's something about the loves of our youth - a person, music, clothing style, type of glasses - which linger in our psyches long after our physical bodies have either outgrown or shed them. I always think of hipsters as being contrived and maybe even, a little too cool and ironic. With age comes acceptance (hopefully) of who we are. Maybe we aren't really that cool. Maybe we were always nerds and always will be nerds. That's ok. Embrace your inner nerd. That's the hip thing to do.
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Look at the psychology of "hipsterhood"
Don't just look at the outward trappings. "Cool people" are very different from the average person - and I think that your misery in Williamsburg was from emulating the exterior rather than the interior.
I think that what we call 'coolness' is really all about charisma. It really doesn't matter how one dresses, looks, or acts - if one has this kind of charisma, whatever one does is automatically "cool". My mother has this sort of power, and she's a little old lady. But when she took up ping-pong, her entire group of friends followed suit. When she decided she wanted to watch movies once a week, everyone started to join her. It's not that the ping-pong or the movies are all that cool - it's the fact that a cool person was playing ping-pong or watching the movies.
A friend of mine is like that too; very charismatic and very "cool" - anything she did was instantly emulated by an admiring throng. However, when she took up a new job in a new area where she felt a little "out of her depth", she lost that influence. It's all about self-confidence. When she goes back home for visits, she feels "cool" again.
If you do end up among "cool" people again, study how they behave - not just what they wear, but how they think.
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Oh dear, this too shall pass
Some day, you will wake up and realize you just don't care any more. For me, it was a good few years past my 10th high school reunion when everyone (me included) was still trying to impress each other. It was somewhere after meeting my husband (a nerd just like me) and before the first baby came along, that I realized I just didn't care any more... there were far too many things to worry about than me. It would take too much energy to try to wear the fashions, listen to the right music, look just right. I was happier wearing whatever I damn well wanted to, watching movies at home with a couple of close friends who really cared about me instead of what I look like, and not giving a rat's behind about appearing cool at a dance club or a bar.
I am a nerd. I never really was anything else. The difference is that now I embrace it. It is who I am. I can live in my own skin now. I won't even begin to rattle off the preferences that put me firmly in the unfashionable categories of the entire universe. They're mine, just as yours are yours.
I am now a fortyish soccer mom nerd with too many books and not enough time. Before that, I was a thirtyish newly married nerd. And then before that I was a twentyish nerd in the city, then before that, the geeky college student who ALWAYS said and wore the wrong thing. All the same nerd. The cool part is that now it just doesn't matter any more.
You'll have to get there on your own, taking your own path. I wish you peace and joy when you arrive in your own home, with one or two or three people who mean the world to you whatever they wear or listen to, whatever their opinions are.
Good luck.