Letters to the Editor
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The best of the best in this debate so far...IMHO
I have varying thoughts and opinions about the presence of porn and erotica in modern culture. I think the three posters I cited below have presented very insightful ideas on the topic and they have also articulated thoughts that I wanted to say but found difficult to express. During times of sexual drought in my life, I use porn to help me scratch my itch, but I find far less interest in it when I am involved in a sexual relationship. Likewise, I can understand it when men use porn during their sexual dry spells but to use it regularly when you have a fulfilling and active sex life with a partner has always annoyed me. And yes, as the men in my life have instructed me, I shouldn't take it personally and I generally don't. But it still troubles me...
From rooiboos:
"The problem, as I see it, is that young men are taught that having it both ways (unbridled pornography viewing and relationships) is male privilege. Women are taught to accept this. I think it's time to start teaching young people the truth about how pornography may interfere with their ability to connect and be intimate with other human beings. I anticipate that this idea may irritate or outrage some people - you're the ones who want it both ways. Sorry, sometimes things just don't work that way, no matter how much your fraternity brothers and Maxim tell you it does."
From Anonymous:
"Assuming we could accomplish all of our desires would all of this really amount to freedom? Of course not... it means that we're just enslaved to our desires. And, in fact, most people spend their whole lives trying to satisfy these desires. Rocks don't know our joys but they also don't know the suffering created by wanting a new job, a slimmer tummy, a prettier wife. We shouldn't question whether or not our desires are inherently bad (they're not), but we should question whether or not they're actually making us happy. The results might be surprising.
If we look at pornography I think Cary had a good point. We think we're using it but really who is the one being used? Our hardwiring is being artfully exploited. Yes, because we're human we don't have much choice if we're turned on when we someone attractive on the street. However, looking at pornography is a choice. Connecting with images on a screen instead of our loved ones is a choice."
From Afro Goddess:
"You want less objectified women in porn? Then let them direct porn instead of just staring in them."
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Porn serves a function
My wife and I have different sex drives. She is much less interested than am I. What are my choices? Other women? Oh, I don't think so. Ignore urges? Sorry, not a choice. Porn? Occasionally, yes.
Anti-porn crusaders should ask themselves: Porn or adultery, which is better?
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Intelligent people understand there are more than two extreme options.
Anti-porn crusaders should ask themselves: Porn or adultery, which is better?
--Anonymous
Try harder, please.
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Harder
Not at the office. Too yucky.
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Another way to look at it
From Anonymous--
"Assuming we could accomplish all of our desires would all of this really amount to freedom? Of course not... it means that we're just enslaved to our desires."
Aren't we equally enslaved to our desires if we expend all our energy denying them, repressing them and battling them?
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UNTIL WOMEN APOLOGIZE
for reading Cosmo and romance novels with their unrealistic portrayals of how men 'should' be, I think it is ludicrous for any man to apologize for having a libido, for wanting to control his own sexuality, and for being interested in females.
I do not use porn, I prefer the soft 'porn' of swimwear ads or fashion rags frankly rather than the hard edged stuff.
But honestly, with his response, I finally see Cary for what he is, which is someone who is always willing to take women's side at the expense of men. Which makes him not only a bad bad person, but also someone whose judgement I can no longer trust.
Men are human too. Men deserve fair treatment by the media, Cary being part of the media. Men need to begin demanding people lay off men and let men do what men have to do.
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Really
when you think about it, LW's boyfriend would be wise to just dump her and find a PRO sexual female to be with.
You can surmise, that once she has her mitts on controlling how and what he fantasizes, she will pretty soon begin trying to control when and if he and she have sex, what the conditions will be, what positions are acceptable, on and on and on. To paraphrase a famous quote, "we have already determined she hates sexuality, now we are only haggling over how much she hates it".
Frankly, she really does not deserve and should not have kids. We have enough man hating and sex hating women already on this planet.
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THIRD CHOICE
Anti-porn crusaders should ask themselves: Porn or adultery, which is better?
THIRD CHOICE according to feminists: shame men, make them hate their own NATURAL urges, make them hate themselves and with their subsequent low self esteem, they will take out their rage on convenient targets nearby. This then gives feminists justification to call men violent animals.
My guess, is that the third choice is the popular one among feminists.
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Real vs. Fake - Need a man's opinion
What a fascinating topic! As a curious, adventurous woman who has watched almost every type of porn, and on many occasions, I am still disturbed by it for some nagging reason. I’ve pondered what this reason is, and the best I can figure is that it’s rooted in fear and jealousy. Let me explain.
For the most part, (I’m sure there are some exceptions) the women in porn have fake bodies, fake sex drives and fake orgasms. What I worry about is that men unconsciously measure the real women in their lives against all this fakery. I have a very high self-esteem, but I must admit that I cannot measure up to these women and still remain authentic. I’m afraid that this will lead to my man thinking I’m a bad lover – or at least not as good as what he’s used to seeing. The jealousy comes into play because I know I’ll never look like a porn star (without some serious plastic surgery), and I believe deep down that most (not all, I know) men wish women looked like porn stars. I mean, you don’t see an average looking woman on the cover of Victoria’s Secret or Playboy. So when men desire a woman for the very attributes I don’t posses, it makes me feel a bit substandard physically – at least in the eyes of men.
I am not a man, so I do not know what men are REALLY thinking. I just have to judge based on their actions. So for all the men out there, is there any validity to my fears or jealousy? Can a man really think the real thing is just as attractive as the fake? It feels like rejection when a man wants to look at a woman who is so different from me.