Letters to the Editor
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Porn
As a 55 year old man who has had many, many heterosexual relationships, and has been in one with a beatiful women for the last three years and counting, much more of my sex life lies in the past than in the future, I am sure.
Drawing on my own experience and that of friends and aquaintances, I would say that porn is rarely a force for good.
If viewing porn makes him more horny for you (best scenario), there is a danger that eventually he won't be able to become aroused without the porn.
If viewing porn becomes an alternative form of sexual release for him, then you (his female partner) will feel like crap.
If he gets off on both porn and you, which seems to be where you are now, maybe that is OK, but don't count on it staying that way.
The trouble is that the sexual arousal from porn is different from the sexual arousal of being with a woman. Let me explain.
Last week I saw a woman in the supermarket. First I saw a gorgeous butt, then I saw shiny hair, then I saw the curve of her waist, then smooth skin and bright eyes. Even though she was two checkouts away, I could actually feel myself approaching her, putting my hand on the curve of her waist, feeling the softness of her skin, the scent of her hair against my face, and I started to get aroused (just a bit). Then I said to myself, "get a grip, American, do you want to get arrested?"
But it isn't like that with porn, because porn is not one-on-one, it is not participatory. Porn is voyeurism, and while theoretically a man might equally enjoy regular one-on-one sex and voyeurism, chances are that over time he will favor one over the other. And that ain't good.
Most people, in my opinion, would improve their sex lives a lot by making love with the lights out and focusing on communication by touch, because once you learn to associate arousal with being touched in a certain way, rather than with visualizing certain images, you are more likely to become addicted to that form of arousal and to the partner who knows how to turn you on.