Letters to the Editor
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Go. And tell us about it.
I agree that, with the situation outlined like it is, that option #2 is the way to go.
The "hows" of going, and the "selling my house wihtout my ex-fiance breaking all the windows" is going to be hard...
I'm fascinated by this all. People who make 180 degree changes, who shrug off the societal/familial expectations that forced them into an unsavory situation and find themselves having to flee the scene.
But flee the scene you must! And quickly, before the impending wedding takes on a life of its own. Start a livejournal or something to keep us updated.
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Don't waste the pretty
May I say this as someone who was in a similar position, and is now happily married (at 32) to a younger (29), smarter man and living in New York City. You're young, thin with big boobs. Women pay good money to plastic surgeons just to look like you do right now. Why are you marrying an old, fat, hick? What a waste of pretty.
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We Exist
Consider yourself lucky, LW. Most people's dreams and fantasies border on the ridiculous, but what you're looking for actually exists. In abundance, even. You want a "sane, healthy man who likes to read and talk and explore"? We exist! What sort of well-adjusted person wouldn't want "to go to London and Florence and the Galapagos Islands", or Machu Picchu and Alaska and Buenos Aires, to boot?
As a lifelong liberal math nerd songwriting New Yorker, I can think of few things sexier than "a woman with a crazy hybrid Southern/Midwestern accent who's constantly goggling at the big world like an overstimulated toddler". The world is a gigantic, bustling, amazing place, and anyone who doesn't goggle at it isn't paying enough attention. You're smart, thoughtful, attractive (I'll take your word on the whole "Botticelli Madonna" thing), and an excellent writer. I'd date you in a second, if you only had the courage to move someplace where someone like me could find you.
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at 25
Your life is really just beginning in so many ways. Left behind are the trappings of childhood, ahead a looming and potentially wonderful and adventurous future, that is yours to define. I found it interesting that you bought your house across the street to be "near" your fiance... no doubt a myriad of reasons existed for not actually moving in with him... but the point remains, that you did the moving.. towards him. It's evident you'd be the one doing the compromising for the rest of your lives. I never felt like my real "independent" life actually began until 25...I gave up a relationship, but launched into a career and never looked back. I found love again a few times along the way and the ultimate relationship eventually. This is a momentous decision - but the answer seems all too obvious. Oh and as for the pets, place them with friends or family until you are settled or find a place beforehand that will accept them. The world is so vast and exciting, and it would be such a shame for you to miss out on experiencing more of it.
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Been There, Wish I'd Done That
I was married at 23, divorced at 25, in no small part because in the small midwestern town where I grew up it was the norm. My parents expectations (that my first husband was the best catch someone like me could hope to get) played no small role in my lowered expectations for life. Why do I believe the letter writer? Because I was her, once upon a time. My ex and I moved to the suburbs of a big city (Washington DC) and within two years my doubts about us going the long haul turned into a conviction we were all wrong for each other. My family was hostile to me for years after the breakup (they didn't like him at all, but never told me, and really truly felt I was blowing my one chance at a decent life). When you are surrounded by people with zero imagination it can be hard to base your actions on your dreams and ambitions. To a lot of small town folk, dreams and ambitions are just unrealistic wishful thinking. They don't know anyone who has ever been anywhere or done anything so they certainly don't think Little Old You, the girl they knew when she was an awkward pre-teen, can make anything of herself. Listen to your heart now, before you need to engage a lawyer to do so.
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Live your life!
I nearly married a conservative, biased, uninformed, uncommunicative lunkhead when I was about 23 or 24. I thought it was the best I could do. I was lonely with him, too - because he was narrow-minded and had little to say, my time with him was, well, boring. And so was life, but it seemed that a lot of girls from my high school were marrying at 22 or 23 and that's what I should do, too.
In my last of 3 years with him, I started working in NYC. I met intelligent, articulate sexy men who liked me (I've always considered myself an ugly duckling). And although the pull to stay with Lunkhead was still strong because I never thought I'd find another marrying kind of man (the new ones were fun but not exactly clamoring to get engaged), I ended it. I started attending law school and ran into Lunkhead in a bar while a 1-L. When I saw how horrified he was that I'd decided to become a lawyer - I would have been more educated than he, and women belong in the kitchen, you know - I was thrilled at my decision to leave him. I got married (to another guy) in '92, divorced a few years later (no regrets, we're friends still), dealt with Dating After Divorce in my mid-late 30s, continued to pursue my career goals and make new friends everywhere I worked or went, and married an absolute angel at 41. We can't have kids - it's too late - but an adoption is in the works. For me, life is good and I'm at peace.
You mentioned that you're a runner - I am, too. So you and I know the exhilaration of running in the spring at dawn, when the tulips are blooming, or on a gorgeous path on a summer evening. Life is full of lovely, wondrous things, and it's all available to you. You're clearly very bright and industrious, and I think you'll do just fine. Just hold your breath and take that leap. Life is much too short.