Letters to the Editor
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Go out and conquer the world!
Go, go, go, go, go!!!!! Ditch the man and the house and bring the cats and the books and move to a fabulous city! 25 is very young and there're lots of fascinating men out there; don't worry about not finding love. Do some temping and enroll in a college with a good aid package and you'll have a ready-made community with like-minded, adventurous friends and beaus before you know it.
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Option 2!
While I don't want to sound shallow, I do think there is something to be said about your concern about being called beautiful.
As someone who was never called beautiful and (I believe) never found desirable until I left my small town for college, I urge you not to base your decision on your romantic experiences up until now. I think it's hard to make connections with people that you have known since middle school, because you go through so many changes and yet people still think you're the same person you were in 7th grade. But, once you move to a new place and people look at you with fresh eyes, I am sure you will have many suiters and you will receive many compliments. As soon as I heard one compliment from one attractive man, I realized I was attractive to other people and I began flirting and dating a lot. It is nice to know that you're desired. But once you know that, you can concentrate on the things that really sustain a relationship, like intellectual compatibility and similar hopes and dreams.
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Dear LW
You are a wonderful writer! I thought you should know that, if you don't already. When you end up in a bigger city, I'll bet you have no more trouble than the next cute, articulate girl finding someone to travel, read, etc. with you. (I fall into the 'cute not model-type' category, I live in NYC, and I guarantee that your fears about dating and finding someone are overblown - dating is always its own funny kind of torture, but if you're looking and can remember who you are along the way, you'll find him. I promise.)
I wanted to share something that worked for me - and is much more common/accepted in a bigger city than it was even in the Midwest, where I'm from. If you are having a hard time with an adjustment, and whatever job you get carries health insurance, a few months down the road, please think about trying therapy for a few sessions (or months). It's really not as big a deal as it can seem if you come from a culture where people think therapy is for 'crazy' people - it's so not! I went when I was in a crisis and it ended up being so useful in ways I couldn't have guessed, I really can't say enough for the experience. It is also a great kind of support to have - a third party who is not invested in any decision you're making, one way or the other - which was a really refreshing thing, again, in unexpected ways. If you do go down this road, also remember that you can 'fire' any therapist you want to after a session or two and move on, looking for someone you like more - it's about finding someone who you like and you feel is helpful to you.
The best of luck to you!!! You sound like a lovely person. I wish you all the best.
mary
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move to Boston!
Boston is a great combination of small town/big city, and admin jobs are plentiful. LW may wish to peruse the Boston craigslist or contact one of the many placement agencies (the temp agencies also do direct hiring), and explain that she is interested in working for a university. Generally, Harvard pays the best and has the best work environment, and BU is the worst on both counts. Universities in the area offer free tuition to employees (you'll still have to pay taxes)-- I think it's 2 classes per semester. So move to Boston, join a wiffleball league, and start making friends. The rest of it will come in time.
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#2 with one possible compromise
Go for the least acrimony possible, but definitely #2. You may genuinely love each other, but you sound hopelessly mismatched.
However, the one conceivable compromise would be to move to a place like Athens, Georgia, Charlottesville, Virginia, or Asheville, North Carolina -- university towns that offer some of the cultural benefits of the city, including hip, intelligent denizens, while offering the laid-back, low-pressure, rustic aspects of rural living (as well as the low cost of living, albeit with the attendant poor job market notwithstanding academic posts, which are hotly competitive). Plus you can drive to Balto/D.C. or Atlanta (in these examples).
This compromise, however, won't change the fact that you seem mismatched -- this guy simply has no intellectual curiosity and you do.
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Cost of housing in small towns
To Oxymoron, who doubted the veracity of the letter -- you wondered how a degree-less person making $26,000 a year could afford a house. Well, you know what they say in real estate: Location, Location, Location. In my hometown of 80,000 people, where my brother is currently househunting, there are dozens of houses on the market in his price range: between $25,000 and $50,000! In a crappier town with only 4,000 residents, I'm betting there are small houses on the market for even less than that.
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The Only One You Can Change Is You
When I was about your age, I sold most of my stuff, put the rest in some boxes at my mom's house, and headed overseas with two suitcases and $500. I came back four years later with the knowledge that I could take charge of my life. I had also mastered another language, toured most of Europe, and gotten launched on a new professional career.
Sure, there were sacrifices. I worked as a nanny, a driving instructor, an English tutor, and a janitor. Sometimes I was terribly lonely. But I was free. I met people from all over the world and became aware of a whole new list of adventures to look forward to. Best of all, twenty years later, I never have to wonder "What if?"
It so happened that I never married or had children, but I have a career I love in a city I'd always dreamed of living in with a supportive community of friends and neighbors. The last I heard of my hometown sweetheart was a sherrif's report I found in a Google search. They'd charged him with domestic violence against his mother and sister, whom he was back to mooching off of in his mid-forties.
No regrets.