Letters to the Editor
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Love Happens
Love happens, and not always--maybe not even usually-with the right person. With more time and experience, you'll realize that this man was only one of your loves, and you'll be filled with relief that you waited, allowed yourself to go through more of these journeys--one of which will probably yield a more suitable mate.
You started in with the sex and love thing a little bit later than some, and you're feeling older than you are. You're still new, and your experiences with the love and relationship thing are new. Leaving someone you love, but with whom you know in your heart you will not be happy, not be able to create your truest life, is difficult. It's also the right thing to do, and in a couple years that will be obvious to you.
You'll thank yourself for mustering the courage and strength to leave now and go after the life you were meant to have. You don't actually have to have all that much money to get out. Maybe you can borrow a little from a parent, a couple thousand, get a tiny apartment in a city somewhere, scrape and pinch and eat cup o noodles and work hard and breathe your independence. You can do it. Good luck.
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First things first!
LW, of course you have to get out. Not just get out of the relationship, but get out of the town. Yes, Chicago would be a great option. I am a transplant to Chicago, and so are most of my friends, and we all love it!
Based on what you wrote, to me it looks like you would be guaranteeing yourself a life of unhappiness and resentment if you marry this guy.
One thing you should reconsider, though, from your "option #2", is the following: You say that you could "make the move to the city... and try to beat out all the other eligible women for a sane, healthy man who likes to ..." etc...
Ask pretty much ANY woman who's 10 years older than you, and I'll bet they will ALL tell you that getting a man should not be your primary goal. Certainly you should not be trying to "beat out all the other eligible women" and so on.
You are so young, you need to create yourself. Notice I didn't say find yourself, I said create yourself. Get to a place where you have some space (both geographical and emotional) and spend some years figuring out who you want to be and becoming that person. Maybe a good man will follow, maybe not, but at least you'll have a better chance at being happy.
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Never give up your dreams!!!!
If you stay you will always feel like you are missing something. You will never be happy living life in a small town. I waited 41 years to make the move and I am glad I did. I move from upstate NY to upstate South Carolina and did not know a soul. I got a job with a large government contractor, stayed there four years. Tranferred with the company to central Florida and after three years, I am looking to transfer again. I want to move to the upper midwest. Where the winters are long and the summers are short.
Go for it.........it won't be easy but nothing in life that is worth having ever is!!!
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For crying out loud!
You are not a baby, you are an adult. You don't need permission to live the life you have already decided to live. Get the man who loves you, and that you can love. From your letter you know the small town guy across the street is not him. Stop acting out and get on with your real life. Today, not sometime later, you have only got today.
Also it would really be nice to know you followed your instinct to run while you can still run.
danpage0