Letters to the Editor
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This is what student loans are for
What is it about the South? I grew up in a declining mill town of 6,000 people, and most of the people I went to grade school with have now married/divorced each other, work dead-end jobs, and live down the street from their parents. Because my parents weren't from there, I was always an outsider (in a place where most of the class was "kin," in one way or another). In many ways, outsider status is a blessing, as you can see what others can't. Most critically, that there is a much bigger, better world out there! And you need to be a part of it.
I know it's hard to imagine at this point, but you can apply to a bricks-and-mortar college, take out loans if you need to, and go. As someone who's got mortgage-sized student loan debt at 31, I can say it's a bit scary, but not really that bad. You can pay over 30 years, and, despite Bush's best efforts, interest rates are still fairly reasonable. I've spent the last ten years in California and New York, and can't imagine living anywhere else in America. It makes me physically ill to go back to the town I grew up in, but, I don't have to. And that's why paying for school is worth it...
Good luck. You'll be fine.
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Obviously....
...you should run! DO NOT marry this man! DO NOT condemn yourself to a life of frustration and misery! I'm sure you knew the answer before you even wrote Cary; you will never be able to make this man change, and why would you even want to supress your desire for a better life? You would clearly end up broken inside, suffering from severe depression, with no one to blame but yourself. You have no kids; dogs and cats and books can be moved; money can be saved, houses can be sold, engagements can be broken. What are you waiting for? Get the hell out while you still can!
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Pick Door #2!
Girlfriend, get the heck outta there! I left my small Mississippi town of 2,500 after college to live in the state capitol to work as a secretary, then left there at 25 after getting what seemed at the time like a sketchy job offer in the Midwest. I left behind a perfectly nice fiancé who offered me a comfortable life--a new house in the burbs and a future filled with minivans, soccer practices, and Junior League meetings, but one that was not very adventurous or imaginative. I will never regret having "gone off up North." If I had stayed, I would be in a straight jacket in a rubber room by now, insane from feeling trapped and bored. Sixteen years later, I live in a stimulating university town and work from home as a writer and editor for an educational publishing company based in New York. My town of 70,000, while not a giant city, offers all the amenities you mention, and I've learned as much from my interesting, broadminded, and educated friends and coworkers as I ever did in college. I'm hardly wealthy, but I've been able to travel to Africa and Central America, and have seen much of the U.S. I am with a wonderful, kind, talented, loving man, and we are about to have our first child together. (A great man isn't as hard to find as you think, and Southern women are considered attractive and a little exotic here.)
Abundance is out there for you if you are brave enough to grasp it. Don't squelch your spirit. It is calling you to a fuller life.
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View from London
Its a lovely, sunny Easter Day here in London (unsure weather in Gallapagos isles today).
I met my liberated American girlfriend two years ago after living with another girl for 3 years in London. And we're smitten. And I have suggested that we go to the Gallagos after we get married next May (I proposed in January in Washington DC, where she moved to after growing up in Maine).
Health isn't everything. You may well meet someone with sub-optimal health.
But you'll be free
Come and look Sara and I up in London when you're over :-) (she is moving here in September)
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Remember the "Runaway Bride?"
Does anyone remember the woman who was reported as missing, possibly kidnapped by thugs, only to be found later in another state, having concocted the "kidnapping" herself?
She was from Georgia, getting married in a small town to the "locally prominent" guy of the town. She was running away from the stress of the wedding. She got arrested and charged with making a false statement (among other things). I think she wanted out, too-but made the wrong choice to do so in the way she did it.
The LW should look at that and decide if she really wants to stay in the situation-or have to put up with it. I'd say get the hell out of town, cut your losses and do it. You're young only once. Life awaits! Go!
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dtmfa
this ain't the 1950's and you don't have to marry the first man you fuck.
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Main Street
Small-town minds, small-town sensibilities, small-town concepts will never change.
If you read, you will NEVER fit into a small town. Get your ass out of there. As a midwesterner who spent 8 years in Chapel Hill, NC, I would NEVER under ANY circumstances return to anything below the M-D line, because the sight of the stars and bars just drives me crazy.
Go to a larger city, join a unitarian church (for companionship without theological overtones) and try to make a life.
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Dear Cary, you are currently unhappy, thus, your letter.
You are a big-time girl, only temporarily located in a small town. You know who you are which is rare for anyone at 25 years of age, now you must have the courage to be who you are--do not give up your dreams of a better life. We only have one life to live, never settle, always work hard toward what will make you the happiest. To me, you are beautiful and many more will think so also. Will you learn to dance tango?
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Just go!!
Hey small town girl,
25 is still incredibly young, and there is so much life ahead of you if you make the right move now.... I'm speaking as a mere 28 year old here... and have spent the last couple of hours scanning some old photos of me and my friends in my pre-digital camera era, when I was 24, 25 and 26..... so much life has happened to me in those years, difficult decisions, a move to the city i really wanted to be in all along, but absolutely no regrets from my side. Go now, make a good and reasoned plan, take the things you can, replace or come back for the things you can't and make yourself a new life. In my case, as I say, absolutely no regrets....
I agree with other posters when they say that where you go need not be a huge city... in fact a huge city may not be quite what you need coming from a town of 4,000 ... or maybe it is.... while you're planning why not visit a few places and try them on for size.... I've ended up in a remarkably neighbourhoody city of 3.5 million people, but towns with 100,000 or 500,000 people can also be great, and may just suit you perfectly... the main point is that you choose what suits you.... good luck, be brave and I wish you a thrilling end to your twenties.....