Letters to the Editor
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as one "crazy hybrid Southern/Midwestern accent"'ed gal to another
go.
leaving the south is a good decision if only because distance breeds appreciation. becoming stagnant is not an authentic way to live, nor really acceptable if you long for something else. i left my southern, backward, wal-mart world for the big city which was nowhere near as scary as i feared. and as for the money, you don't have babies yet, so you have a greater chance to pay your way. and surely you've done enough internet searches to know that at 25 you should not be scared you'll be a spinster and childless! for that alone, you need to leave! to see how women everywhere are setting up their lives to include travel AND education AND a husband AND babies. and whereas now you feel like a misfit, you will feel exotic for your voice and background, and have a place to learn, which is the saddest part of about those small towns nowadays, they limit young people who crave worldliness, despite their natural beauty.
and the men will love that accent. trust me.
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Come to San Francisco!
Legal secretaries can make serious bank out here.
I'm a transplanted southerner myself, who always dreamed of the big city.
I finally picked up and left for San Francisco(the summers out here completely sold me after the hellish humidity of my hometown). It was the smartest, best thing I've ever done. I feel so at home here, surrounded with my liberal, environmentally conscious brethren, in a gorgeous city. In fact, five years later I still get tears in my eyes when I look up at Coit Tower.
I have great, like-minded friends, a man who shares my ambitions, ideals, and my goals, and friendly people everywhere I go.
No one should have to be a "closet" anything. And a man who does not share your drive, ambition, and dreams (not to mention political view and ways of communication) is no match for you, and marrying someone like this will be a hellish disaster.
You're getting your degree online. So why wait? you can have internet access anywhere. Be smart! Flee, country girl, to the big city! You'll be glad you did.
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GO - YESTERDAY!!!
Make your plans NOW - do not stay there to finish a degree. Because every day you stay there your soul dies a little more (and if you don't break your engagement now, you do run the risk of an accidental pregnancy). Do not feel guilty - you have a responsibility to live the best life you can. We need you out in the world - you obviously have a lot to offer. Slowly dying in Backwater, U.S.A. is actually an immoral choice. You are so young. Truly, your adult life is just beginning. All the posters have already said it better than I can, but attending a real college (even just for night classes), if only in a mid-sized city, will expand your world immeasureably. I can see why some people suspect your letter is a fake because you are so obviously not of the world you're describing. You are dying there!!! This man is SO WRONG for you - as someone else said, do not base your entire future on the confused feelings you have about the person to whom you lost your virginity. You do not owe him anything (except to free him to marry someone who will be happy with the life he can offer.) GO A.S.A.P. - every day that you remain in Deadsville is a day you could be experiencing LIFE!
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Run!
Run away as fast as you can! He'll never change, but will grow to resent your restlessness and curiosity of the larger world. There's someone else for him in your small town, someone who will appreciate what he has to offer and be happy staying there. Yes, it will be difficult, but you owe it to your future self to make your life happen.
Many other writers have also encouraged you to go. Perhaps many of us are a little older, and while not unhappy, the distance of time shows us all the different things we could have done and been had we made other choices.
Best wishes for a happy and eventful life! Now go.
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It's time to go.
For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, "It might have been!"
-- John Greenleaf Whittier
It sounds like you know what will happen if you stay. What if you go?
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oh, those southern boys
oh sweetheart, you know you have to leave. you must. there's something about us yankee girls and our southern men that tie us to that region. but over the ten years i've been with mine, i've come to realize how much the faulkner fantasy will never work out for me. that isn't to say it couldn't for other yanks but your longing for another life will someday kill this relationship. for me i was fortunate to have stayed in my large ernest midwestern city that i love, not having to relocate. but my beautiful southern man will always long for his home. and he has it all...the right side of the tracks, the wrong side of the tracks, status, education, alcoholics, etc. did i mention the faulkner fantasy?
i guess i'm just trying to say that you are young and can do anything you want. separation is harsh but if he loves you, he'll know deep down inside that keeping you there would not be right for you. i give my man a lot of credit for taking on the asshole role when he ended our marriage. and i will always love him for it. i hate that he's had to go through this. and i would do anything to have had the strength to do what was best for me and us five years ago when it was clear we wouldn't work out.
so again, if he loves you, he'll let you go. and if you really love him, you'll leave so that he can fulfill his desires too. you never know, maybe he'll follow you once you're gone. stranger things have happened. all my best.