Letters to the Editor
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#2
If you think you feel bad now, wait til you have some kids and your husband is still in his same job and you REALLY can't leave. Alone beats trapped any day.
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Go. Now.
While you still can. Break the engagement as nicely as possible, hire a real estate agent to sell your house, and rent an apartment in that larger town an hour distant to put your books into. Line up some interviews ahead of time (there's nothing wrong with making some plans before you break the engagement, IMO), and get a job doing what you're doing now. Rent a moving truck, pack up your stuff and your cats, and strap your car onto a trailer, and get thee to a life of your own!
So says the woman who 'settled' for 14 long years when she should have left at 25, instead of hanging on till 32. Go, LW. Go now while you are still young (and childless) and go live the life you know you can have.
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moving isn't that hard
It is clear that you are not satisfied with your fiance. It is very unlikely that he will change and your disatisfaction will not grow less with time.
Don't overestimate how hard it is to move to a new place. You really don't need that much money. Go. Live an apartment with some roomates. Go to a temp agency - with previous secretarial experience it shouldn't be too hard to get work. There, you've done it - you are in the new city. Start building your life there. There is no need to delay even a year.
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Go to college for real, and somewhere far away.
Of course I say "Leave! Now! ASAP!" but real life is harder than a letter. There attachments, fleeting moments of happiness, the fear of change, lack of money, energy, the fear of being alone in a big city.
I hope you leave, I hope you take the plunge into the unknown, because from what you've described, things couldn't get much worse. It's a simple as that. An obese, stubborn, politically conservative, unresponsive man, an equally soul-crushing environment -- almost anything will be better.
Here's what I think you should do. Take the SAT(if you haven't already), and apply to colleges in the Northeast or the West. Or Any big or medium city. Apply to the state school of your state, which may be a lot cheaper. They're always looking for diverse applicants (in terms of geographical location, experiences, age), and you're not too old yet for the regular Bachelor of Arts track (for which the cutoff is somewhere in the late twenties, I believe). since you only earn $26,000, you'd qualify for all kinds of financial aid, and you may very well get many scholarships, considering that you write so well and so cogently. Even if you don't, you could take out some loans. But you would be able to escape this town and get your bachelor's degree and move on with your life, a life in which you would not be at the edge of middle age, but instead just beginning your journey.
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You can't change him
It sounds like you're engaged to the wrong man. Sad but true. He may be a wonderful person, but it sounds like not for you. The town, his profession, his goals in life, his health... none of them sound like they fit with you.
You're young. You know this... that in a city, 25 really is a dewy-eyed baby. So... pack up, move, and get on with your life. Easy for me to say, it's not my life but yours. You won't find what you want in that small town.
How will you feel in 10 years when you're still childless? How will you feel when you're bringing up your potential children in a place with values you don't agree with? How will you feel when you retire, and you and your husband ran out of things to say 15 years ago? Leaving isn't easy. But it is far, far easier now than it will be after marriage.
Break the engagement, sell the house, move to the city, and finish your degree at a bricks-and-mortar real school where you will meet other people. You won't regret it.
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Moving Tip
I also am a mid-twenties girl with a lot of books and a small car, and I've made a couple of these moves on my own. You'd be SHOCKED how many books you can fit in the trunk of a Corolla if you dispense with any boxes and just pack the space with only books.
Pack your clothes in garbage bags and you can squish them into irregular spaces like your backseat wells, and then layer the boxes of kitchen supplies and computer equipment on top.
Safe travels, my dear. You are already on your way.
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Done in just three letters
This group is getting faster and faster, although in fairness LW wasn't so much asking for advice but confirmation and encouragement -- and perhaps a line on a job in a new town.
Cary, I think your heart is in the right place, but you are too timid.
Dragondawn nails it. Leave. Now. If you are taking classes online you can live anywhere and work anywhere. Go live in a beach town and work in an office, swim on your way home and do classwork on a laptop late at night with moths buzzing at the screens.
Get financial aid and go to some urban campus and take some courses in person and rent a small place and work on campus or somewhere else nearby while you attend concerts and lectures and go to museums on your student discount and pile up loans that will take a lifetime to repay.
Go to the Midwest and explore your roots. There are great colleges in towns big and small and lots of culture and great scenery and tons of grants for adults switching careers or returning to school.
Sell everything and do a semester abroad and really have an adventure.
Go anywhere. Do anything. Do something. Find yourself. Be yourself.
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Also...
how do you think he would feel if he knew you "settled" for him. I'd consider it an insult. Free him to find someone who wants him for who he really is, not who you'd (unrealistically) like him to become.