If I read your letter correctly, it is a given that you plan to complete your degree. More power to you! If you need to walk across the stage at the prestigious school of your dreams, it makes me wonder if you are still trying to prove something to your dad. I'm no shrink, but that doesn't seem to be the healthiest reason for a school choice. If your dream school can offer you educational opportunities far above your state school alternatives, it may be worth the geographic inconvenience and additional expense - or not...there seems to be an unjustified knee-jerk dismissal of most things "public" nowdays. Have you investigated the state colleges' programs and talked to students and advisors there? If you are still seeking external validation, I wonder if it is in your best interests to enable this feeling. Has this been discussed with your therapist? Your story is admirable and you will be a role model, whatever you decide. Good luck.

"I feel as though graduating from there would somehow vindicate and validate me in a way that going to a state school wouldn't."

As a woman who has also seen plates chaotically smash into walls that were thrown by not very encouraging parents, I really want to see you attend the school of your dreams. I am enrolled at Mount Holyoke College and am a member of the Francis Perkins program. As painful as the rigorous academics might be, I am so grateful to be a MoHo. This experience has changed my life and elevated me intellectually, socially, and emotionally. You would be doing yourself a great disservice if you do not follow your dreams. After all, prestigious institutions need people who do not fit the stereotypical student profile to share their experiences in the "real world" with the less experienced students. Best of luck to you.

As someone who easily completed high school and undergrad (at a good school), and thought very little of getting these degrees -- I say YES, go for it!!!

Because now, after life has become complicated and going back to school would be difficult, I think I would finally understand why people cry at their graduations if I could walk across a stage and accept a graduate (or, oh my god, a doctorate) degree from a good school.

Actually working really hard at something -- and it being important maybe only to you, and it being inconvenient -- will make it so much sweeter. You deserve this.

And honestly, if your therapist and your husband both agree despite the fact that you don't have the money to throw away, it's hard to see why there is really a question, except that you seem to have put your academic desires on the backburner your whole life. It's your time now!

...should have noticed what the danged spellcheck was asking me.

I will share with you the single best piece of advice I got in my adult life:

Don't set your sites too low.

I started college as a 30-year-old single mother. My son was in grade school, and it was our shared adventure. I ended up doing so well I got into and attended one of the best law schools in the country. I never would have imagined this the day a took that deep breath and signed up.

As other letter writers have noted, there are many resources available to nontraditional students. You will be surprised at how much they want to help you succeed.

Please also get back in touch with Cary and let us know how all this has turned out for you.

Best regards from another non-traditional mom.

I'm a Smith grad and if you're talking about the Ada Comstock Program, well, I can't imagine a better program for a non-traditionally-aged student. Smith is an extremely tolerant place (as is Northampton) - you will not feel as though you stick out like a sore thumb and, as I remember, the Adas were very tight with one another. The traditionally-aged students, for the most part, respected the Adas and their wisdom and were in awe of how much they could juggle. You are NOT marginalized or ignored as an Ada. If anything, Smith pampers its students to a fault (I loved it, of course). If you're accepted, you'll have full access to everybody in their administrative offices. Unlike a large university, it's not a maelstrom of paperwork and horror. You can pester them to your heart's content. The professors are accessible and actually give a shit about you. The school is not simply a name - it lives up to its reputation.

As for the education, I'd say that, for better or worse, being at Smith is very unlike being at your typical top-ranked liberal arts schools. My experience as a graduate has been that the Seven Sisters are just different. Alums are crazily loyal, for the most part, and the education is unique. It's hard to explain why to people who haven't attended these schools, but for those of us who attended them and loved it, it was an unmatched educational experience. I've been to graduate school and law school. Nothing rivals my institutional loyalty to Smith - nothing. Going to a place like Smith is a guarantee of a strong, dedicated network of alums who wish to see you succeed and who you can contact throughout your career. I have absolutely gotten a second look from Smith alums simply because I went to Smith. Some will say this doesn't matter. In my experience, it does, especially if you're coming from a vulnerable place (which you are).

Good luck to you - and congrats on your other acceptances!

I made that choice 3 years ago and I must say Wellesley has been one of the best experiences of my life. Yes its expensive, but they helped me with that as much as they could and at the end of the day, state would have cost as much. Take the leap and come join us! It can be hard, but it is always, ALWAYS, worth it. We're having the time of our lives!