I have experienced both what the LW talks about and in another situation acted exactly as her friend. One way of handling the loss of someone close to you is to shut yourself off from those you care about the most. Your friend just lost her pet which as you said, was like a child. The pain of that is something so awful that she is afraid to ever let herself feel that again. In those cases, it is understandable that she withdraw from the people that she is closest. She doesn't want to have to face losing you too. I am sure she is not aware of what she is doing, or how much it is hurting you. As Cary said, give her time. If she didn't care so much, she wouldn't have withdrawn so far.

(Is that another sentence that is in some way defective in form? May I write like this anyway, please? May I pay a small fine to write like this?)

Christ, and I thought the letter writers were whiny.

Cary, you're getting worse all the time. Each week I think your "writing" can't get any more meandering or irrelevant, but each week you surprise me. Could you at least have the good grace to separate your tantrum over criticism from your supposed answer to this person's letter?

Oh wait, I guess you can't. Because if you do, the answer stands exposed as an airy nothing built around the rickety skeleton htof your childish "but I wanna write like I WANNA!!!" Let me get my thumb-sized violin so I can play you a nice accompaniment for that.

Maybe the problem would be solved by, oh I don't know...writing something you're actually qualified for? You might find a lot less of those MEEEENOMG comments if you stopped pretending to have any useful advice, and just took up the kind of column you clearly wish you had - rambling meanderings ala Garrison Keillor, only without the wit or intelligence.

LW, it's good advice. You're both coming at it from your own traumatized world. Give it time. What else were you going to do with all that time, anyway?

This poor woman is suffering twice over. Once from losing her beloved dog, and, I believe, twice from feeling that she did not do enough to protect him. After all, she was holding him when it happened. She is experiencing grief and guilt and self-doubt and anger at such a cruel and uncaring universe.

The LW must call on all her patience and just be there for her friend. There is nothing else she can do. Her friend is on her own journey of grief; the LW can only stand by, but be there to offer help at any time. Eventually -- and it might be much longer than anyone thinks -- her friend will return to her.

LW, rent the movie, "Fearless," with Jeff Bridges. It covers some of the issues your friend and you are dealing with. If and when your friend raises the matter of not protecting her little dog, tell her that there was nothing she could have done. Sometimes we are overwhelmed by forces which are simply far more powerful than us. The parents who had their children ripped from their arms at Auschwitz are a prime example of love and courage being no match for overpowering evil.

Good luck.

Speaking of whiny, witless letter writers... what are you contributing to this situation?

I thought so.

except the letter writer is going through a rough time and needs her friend. It's time her friend sucked it up some and made herself available for the hepatitis ordeal. The letter writer will resent her if she doesn't, and they'll never be as close as they were. And focussing on somebody else's problem would be good grief therapy.

"Could you at least have the good grace to separate your tantrum over criticism from your supposed answer to this person's letter?"

I'm going to separate my reply. Cary, you're overreacting to the criticism being levelled at you. As a professional writer you've got to develop a thicker skin. Obviously you already have one, to put up with the abuse that you do. But this one must have pressed a button. Did you fail at English maybe way back in high school and did that somehow convince you couldn't be a writer for many years? Or did you do really well in English and that's bouyed you up and so now you feel like that foundation is threatened by someone correcting you? Whatever the reason, surely your rational self can tell you: OF COURSE there's no one way to write. Until Hemingway wrote in Short. Declarative. Sentences. the long, complex nineteenth century kind of sentence was in vogue. Language evolves. It's the job of writers to find the best sentence structure for their intended meaning and mood. You know that. That English teacher who wrote to you is the one who doesn't.

It's really bad timing that you find yourself in need of your friend just when she's going through so much herself. As far as what's going on with your friend is concerned - I don't think you should worry. I don't think it means anything bad about your friendship. Cary's advice was spot on I think - give it time. Be ready and waiting when she is ready to come back to you, and until then keep sending christmas presents and birthday cards and leaving messages. They make a difference.

Then there's what's going on for you. It sounds really hard. You should reach out to other friends for support.

Friendship can't always work out as a neat quid pro quo, but in the long run hopefully you'll find that you've received as much as you've given, and it's been to and from the right people at the right time.

Maybe that's what the person meant when saying, "you've got to quit writing like this." Meaning: You've got to quit making up letters and then responding to them.

It's getting tiresome.

Lemmie see: Letter writer's friend lost her beloved pet (5 on a scale of ten for sympathy). Letter writer feels hurt that friend won't talk (3 on a scale of ten for mystery). Letter writer now has a love of her own (6 on a scale of ten for human interest). Letter writer has a crisis because her new love has Hep C and might die (9 out of ten on the pathos scale).

Cary, you've got to quit writing like that.

If you're going to go for the heartstrings, you've got to at least add a crippled kid, like a Tiny Tim or something. And you can really get the crowd roaring if you add a little infidelity. Why not say that the Letter Writer has also fallen madly in lust with her silent friend's significant other and that she secretly meets him on weekends in Tiajuana for the illegal pit bull fights.

Try again next week.