A male would have long since deposited the money and not looked back.

This is one male who completely disagrees with that, and so would my wife find that sentiment repulsive. That's part of the reason we love and respect each other and have always been faithful, despite plenty of opportunity.

A lot of the bad advice here seems to come from unfortunately cynical, unwise, and unhappy people.

But, what goes around comes around.

While we all make mistakes and learn things as we go, in the long run, a person's character more than anything else, determines the sort of person they'll be with.

Sounds like the LW picked one dud, but she'd be a fool to lose her own good character in the deal and become a greedy cynic for a paltry $10k. Better to learn from past mistakes and move on as a better and wiser person, and embody the qualities she'd want from her next lover, than to make another mistake now.

I'd sure have difficulty trusting or loving a woman who took the money. One of the things I love and respect about my wife is that she made a moral choice in her career regarding her family.

We have inheritance and divorce law so that 1) people's wishes about the dispersal of their property after they're dead are clear and legally binding, and 2) so that divorce is somewhat "fair".

Why are people on this site saying that the LW should make a "moral" stand and not take the money? Probably they are the same people who would insist that the LW also not get a lawyer during her divorce, and that the LW not insist on getting 1/2 of her and her husband's assets when they divorced. Don't listen to them---some people actually believe that women don't have any right to joint assets in a marriage--they think the man should take everything!

Why are people also saying that no one can know what the grandmother really wanted? Actually, it's pretty clear what the grandmother wanted--- that's why people make wills! The grandmother made a will and her wishes were clearly (& legally) expressed in it. The LW should do what the grandmother so clearly wanted.

Marriage is a legal contract in addition to a spiritual one. Yes, it will be nice when you get to walk away from this mess. But why not take with you what's legally yours when you go?

It wasn't even your fault the marriage broke up, so why do you feel guilty? I'm also at a loss why you feel like your ex needs it more than you do.

I imagine that your ex & maybe his family too has been "working on you", trying to make you feel guilty for everything, trying to make you just go away without taking any assets from your marriage.

Realize that these people DO NOT have your best interests at heart. Get away from them, and listen to your lawyer instead.

To all you people who are so sure you know what the grandmother's intentions are. If she trusted the grandson to handle the money responsibly, why wouldn't she have simply left it to him? It seems obvious she knew he was irresponsible and that his best chance of financial stability was to leave part of the money to a stable partner. He blew that stability and it's fair that he suffer the consequences. I'm guessing she'll be fine in her grave with this outcome. But my guess at her intentions is as much a guess as anyone else's.

Either way, keep the money.

This isn't blood money. This is an inheritance left from one person to another without any contingencies, ethical or otherwise. It's really quite simple, despite your histrionics. Do you want people second guessing your will?? Is it your position that the grandmother's wishes be contradicted?? Have you never heard of people leaving money to someone outside their family?? If you think that accepting this money is tantamount to selling one's soul, you have a penchant for drama. The particulars of this situation leave little ethical grey area, except for those who choose to muddy the waters. In this case, ethics and law walk hand-in-hand.

mad cartoonist = damaged goods.

Whenever I hear a bitter woman complaining about how evil all the men of the world are... well it's just sad. Glad my wife isn't one, or she wouldn't be my wife. And if I were that way, well I wouldn't be her husband. As it is we love and respect each other.

I know plenty of good guys, including myself (proud to say) who are peaceful, loving, honest, moral, faithful, generally ok guys. Modest too! ;)

We sure aren't attracted to bitter cynical women who like to fling crap all over and make mean spirited assumptions about half the planet.

Such cynical women (and men) tend to have emotional problems that drive others away, or attract the wrong sorts, and then they come up with an excuse why it's the world's fault.

Sure some just have bad luck. But, luck aside, you get out of life what you put into it. And you can't control luck, so best to do the best with what you can influence, starting with oneself.

the money back. If she had a special relationship with the grandmother, that would be one thing. But that is his relative, not hers, and she gave that money because you are in a relationship. You really would be selfish and wrong to keep it. Ten thousand dollars is a pretty cheap price for selling your soul.

It seems like what is tricky here is figuring out what the grandmother's intentions were. If they were for the money to go to the LW, for him/her to use as he/she wished, with no expectation that it would benefit the grandson or any future children the couple might have, then the LW should keep the money. The fact that the LW was specifically named in the will suggests this, assuming the will said "I leave $10,000 to my grandson X and $10,000 to LW", and not "I leave $20,000 to X and LW". If the money was meant for the LW not in his/her own right, but just as the partner of the grandson, with the idea that it would contribute to the well-being of the grandson, I personally would feel inclined to return the money to the family (not necessarily the ex).

Since the LW didn't know the grandmother very well, I wonder if there's someone honest and decent in the family who he/she can talk to about this-- perhaps the grandmother explained her intentions to someone she was closer to?

If I truly didn't need it, I think I'd give the money either to someone else in the money to disperse as they saw fit, or to the ex (that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do-- just what I'd be most comfortable with). I'd rather look back at myself and say that I returned ill treatment with kindness and fairness, and that even when my spouse did not consider my best interests when he cheated, I was big enough to consider his.

Also, the use of the word "partner" and the information that the grandmother considered the LW part of the family suggests an unmarried couple. Does that make a difference either for or against keeping the money?