It is possible that Grandma wanted LW to have the money. Why? Maybe Grandma realized that her grandchild was a really lousy human being. Blood is not thicker than water, contrary to common "wisdom." To illustrate my point, a friend of mine has two really spoiled, grabby, self-centered brats. He is not leaving them a penny. The money he has will be going to charities, a really great kid he knows and to assist my niece and nephew in school if they need it.

Inheritance is not a right. And some people leave money to those who actually deserve it.

I've only read about half the responses, and I generally think she should keep the money. But as someone pointed out, if she truly wants to divine the will of the dead, it seems the former GM wanted the cash to go to her grandson and her grandson's partner. So the LW should keep the money until the grandson has a new, established partner, then mail a check to said new partner, along with a note explaining everything.

Would that get you karma-carpers to shut it?

Beautifully said. Concise. Simple. You helped the writer set aside emotions and make a straightforward, reasonable and wise decision. Hats off.

Ron Soderquist, Ph.D.

Haven't read all the letters ad this has probably been said, but in case it hasn't...

The grandmother left the money in letter writer's name. She could have made a provision that the money would revert to the grandson in the event of separation or divorce. She could have left it all to the grandson, which would have been quite standard. She didn't. Maybe she wanted the ladies to have their own little pile of cash. You don't get to be the age of a grandmother without realizing that marriages can split up. She knew what she was doing and she left the money to the letter writer. Letter writer should absolutely keep the money. Maybe grandma knew grandson was a skank. I think she did it this way with intention, and I think she sounds like she was a cool lady.

If you really feel guilty, do something charitable and wonderful with the money, something that would honor the grandmother's memory -- a scholarship in her name? Donation to something that intersted her? It might feel fabulous to just let it go like that... toward something good for more than just one or two.

It sounds like Granny knew exactly what time it was.

Take the money and go.

I bet the LW can't even accept a compliment, he or she is obviously so guilt-ridden and thinks so little of themself. No wonder the LW put up with the bad relationship for years.

Please send me the money, I'd have no qualms about enjoying it instead of making excuses to avoid letting something that is actually good happen to me: "blah blah blah struggling artist blah blah starving orphans in china".

There are thousands of people sitting on mountains of cash that they never deserved, millions, billions of dollars, and the LW feels guilty about accepting some spare change. The LW should keep the money and use it to buy some real problems, or perhaps some self-respect.

I've had opportunities to be a "pig," as some posters have called it, and keep money that wasn't really for me (though legally it was), and I didn't. But in this case, it's simple: the lady was given a gift by the grandmother.

We don't know what the grandmother would have felt about them being split up, but for all we know, the grandmother might have willed it to the partners precisely because she knew the two brothers, and reasoned that if they dogged around on these women like the last ones, then the women deserve the money, but if they stayed together, then they'd share it and no harm done. I don't know, of course, but I bet there's some reason why she stipulated that the women should be named, rather than just assuming the grandsons would share it with them. Why else would she?

It's a gift that was given to you. It's yours. I say, keep it and don't say a word about it to the guy, unless asked, and if anyone flies off the handle about it or makes it their business, treat the question much as you would if they started rummaging around in your purse. And if you feel selfish, you can make that up by giving a certain percentage of your income to charity, which is a good thing to do, and which will ensure that you never feel undue guilt. Good luck and blessings.

Wouldn't the person who created this will with the Grandmother be able to clear it up, and wouldn't they have covered possible break-up.

My financial planner went over this with us. We're not married, we can't get married, (Gay Couple) so what happens? I would have to think that the lawyer had asked her if she really wanted to do it that way, I mean unless she did some my will software package or something.

Over the 6 years we've been together I sometimes think I would like to give the money that I have, which is a lot more than 10,000 to my partner's nephew. The nephew is of no relation to me, my family might be pissed, but because I've come to know and or like him and his personality I might do it.

Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean they deserve this or that or its somekind of legacy. Maybe you ended up with a cool family and everyone is like the Cleaver's good for you. But if you ended up with a more complex family well then the rules change.

You shouldn't give the money back because you might be insulting the Grandmother, who for whatever reasons liked you. Sometimes people don't really like their own family as much as the people who come from outside it.

The right answer is to comply with exactly what the will spells out. Nothing more, nothing less.

That's why Cary is right. Coming from a relationship that probably in my lifetime will never become a civil union, I would never tell my ex partner that he shouldn't be entitled to whatever my grandmother may give him. See it works both ways.

Oh and LW sorry for assuming that your are a woman. You may be a gay man like me.

Comply with the will and nobody really gets hurt. If the fangs do come out, well that my again tell you exactly why she put the money in your name.

Cary didn't really tell you what to do for a reason after complying with the will because there is no right answer here. If you need the money use it. Respect for the will should come from both sides. And if both sides are acting appropriately the ex would never ask for the money back.

This relationship was clearly not some basic dating scheme. It was a full relationship. She doesn't owe the family anything at all. And if the mother and father of the ex liked her at all, they would probably agree that she should keep the money.

This is like Ken Lay and his prosecution in a way. His crimes were vacated because he died. The Prosecuters want him to remain guilty, but no matter what you think, he died and didn't have the ability to finish his appeals process. No matter what you think, it stands on record that he is not guilty in accordance with the law.

No matter what anyone else thinks, you are not guilty of being a money grubber, or immoral, or anything else by complying with the will. It just is what it is. Familys aren't perfect and not everyone thinks their family deserves a legacy or whatever bullshit.