Does it say "I leave $20,000 to my grandson "John" and his partner "Mary" to be split evenly between them." Or "I leave $10,000 to John and $10,000 to his partner Mary." Or "I leave $10,000 to John and $10,000 to Mary Smith."

Legally of course they all amount to the same thing. But the actual words may give some hint as to what the grandmother intended.

Isn't it likely that the grandmother split the money between the partners for tax reasons? This way, the couple wouldn't have to pay taxes on the gift (if it was less than $11K each, I think). So, she might have wanted to give it all to her grandson, but split it to avoid losing some to taxes. I don't think there's any way you are either entitled to the money or can keep it. It might not have even really been meant for you in the first place.

The grandmother could've willed $20K to her grandson. Instead she willed $10K to each partner, which says that she specifically wanted the wife to get the money in her name, hers to control.

It's not vindictive. If the LW went after his inheritance in court to punish him, that would be vindictive. The LW is only accepting money that was freely given to her by the grandmother. She should enjoy it guilt-free.

Well, if your name was in there, specifically, then it's yours.

Unless you know in your heart that grandma would have taken it back.

Nawww, even then. Keep it.

Kay

He owes you because of his infidelity. People in older generations do not like infidelity. That may be why the grandmother did not change the will. It was an apology of sorts.

Deduct the cost of the cheating (calls, trysts, bills not paid, etc) and give the rest back. It'll be the most expensive lesson he has ever had. He can take the offer, or risk losing it all to litigation. If he whines, remind him and his family he owed you for his bad behavior.

You get revenge, you don't look like a pushover, and if the family complains, they look evil. It's a win-win!

I'm not going to weigh into the ethical debate here, because I think its up to you how you feel.

Just a sidenote though, there may be a financial tax-based reason that grandma split the will giving you both $10,000. I'm pretty sure that you can be given a 'gift' of up to $10,000 each year without having to pay tax on it. Not sure if this is true of wills as well as money given to you by the living, but if it is, perhaps she split the money up in order for her heirs to pay less tax on it.

I agree with chilifries that maybe the grandmother divided the money the way she did because she had some understanding of her grandsons. Or maybe she did just like her granddaughters-in-law for who they were - even if the LW didn't think of them as all that close.

The LW does seem to be feeling too much guilt about this money, and about what her ex could do if he had it. SNAP OUT OF IT! Suddenly he's going to "turn his life around" with more education if he had the $20,000? But that's not what you say you would have spent it on together.

You didn't seek this - or scheme for it - but it is a gift that has been given to you. Your responsibility is to appreciate it. And if you want to do some good with it (for yourself or others) that's even better, but you don't have to give it all to some worthy cause as if it was wrong for you to have it.

If I no longer had a relationship with the family, and something like this happened, I would feel weird about it.

Especially if someone in the family could use the money.

If $10k is life-or-death to you, meaning you won't have food or shelter, then keep it and use it for that.

Otherwise, refuse the money and thank everyone for playing. (The lingering entanglements with the family won't be $10k, perhaps not worth $100k.)

Then run like hell.

the responses seem evenly split. what would be interesting is how they divide by gender. i'd guess that most of the males(excluding Cary of course) would say give it back, it isn't yours and the females would say, take it, you earned it. but who knows? this may be an entirely different world than i grew up in.

Interesting how everyone has a different take on this. But it is absurd to try and guess the grandmother's intentions!

I suspect she split the money for tax reasons, but that is just guessing and you shouldn't make a big ethical decision based on an assumption. I say listen to your gut. Lead with your feelings, not your head.

For what it's worth, my gut says give it back. It's too bad, because you did invest five years with this man. But, I keep thinking that 10 or 20 years from now, if you give it back, you will feel good about it. Cutting all ties sounds wonderful to me. Worth every penny, perhaps?

Obviously the LW is legally entitled to the money.

It's also obvious that the money only came to the LW through her ex, and regardless of what transpired in their relationship the money was really intended for the ex and his partner, as part of the grandmother's standard formula. The partner of the other brother also received her cut of the will money on that basis.

Had the grandmother lived sufficiently long to recognize the relationship had dissolved, and potentially for the ex to move on to another relationship, it sounds totally unlikely the LW would still have received the money. Keeping the money is disrespectful of the grandmother's real intentions.

Since they're no longer together and she is no longer a part of that family, the LW should return the money to the proper descendant of the deceased and his family.

Keeping it would just be taking improper financial benefit from a now defunct relationship and family she's no longer a part of. Rationalizing the money as hers because she fells he was to blame for the separation, is irrelevant, and morally lacking.