Lots of people here sound so certain about what they'd do, so I'll say this: I understand your ambivalence. I recently got divorced from someone who cheated several times. If his (still living, fortunately) grandmother had left me something in a will written before the split, I would feel weird about keeping it. I know that he would never have suggested that I give it to him; I doubt his family would have either. Even so, I came into her life as her grandson's partner, that was the capacity in which she knew me, and I would assume that that was the capacity in which she left me the money. I understand why people are saying it's disrespectful to second-guess the deceased's intentions when she specifically left it in your name. I agree, but in my hypothetical situation, I still think I'd feel weird about taking it.

Is there anything legally or ethically wrong with you taking it? No. We have to assume she knew what she was doing by specifically leaving you your own gift. Even if she was sort of out of it, presumably her lawyer would have clarified with her that she intended to leave it to you as you, rather than you as partner. If would have been simple enough to say "I leave $10,000 to Bill's partner Jill (or Jack), unless they are no longer together at the time of my passing, in which case that sum goes to Bill."

If it were me, I think I'd probably give it to the ex, perhaps keeping enough so I could afford counseling to get over the demise of the relationship and the emotional mess being repeatedly cheated on and lied to leaves behind. Maybe it doesn't make a lot of sense, maybe it's not the correct thing to do legally-- or ethically, from the perspective of the grandmother's wishes. But each of us has to decide what we feel comfortable doing....and if you feel comfortable keeping it, keep it! But if you feel uncomfortable, honor that feeling-- there's nothing wrong with that, and there's no reason to add to the bad feelings you have coming out of the relationship. It's made you feel bad enough already!

Some people, when their family members choose spouses, partners, etc., consider the newcomers to be part of their family, regardless of which family member they are "attached" to. She left the money to you, by name, so obviously she meant for you to have it. I think you should take it, do what you want to with it, and not look back. The "give it to charity" stuff is so bogus! She would have given it to charity if she wanted a charity to have it. She gave it to you. By name. That means: it is for you. You honor her by taking it.

I think a lot of the other writers are right: she knew what she was doing and you shouldn't second- and third-guess her. It was a lovely, gracious and loving thing she did, so accept it with love for her.

And all you other "you are selling your SOUL!?! (give me a break!) for a measly $10k." I'd like to see what you would really do in the same situation.

i'd guess that most of the males(excluding Cary of course) would say give it back, it isn't yours and the females would say, take it, you earned it. but who knows? this may be an entirely different world than i grew up in.

Bullshit, dude. Your guess is wrong. In the posts where gender is apparent, the opinions are split. It does seem, however, those who seem affronted by the idea of keeping the money and those who use highly judgemental and insulting language are male. Though I'm sure if it were a guy getting money from his cheating girlfriend's grandma, they'd be "you earned it, screw that bitch."

Which reflects the world you grew up in. Not the world of everyone, but the self-centered world of guys who think men have more principles than women. Dude, even in the days when chavanism was more acceptable, woman hating was still considered woman hating. And the glory days of chauvanism was long before your time unless you were born in 1900.

Everyone seems to assume that ex's grandmother had a rosy view of the LW and grandson's relationship and was intending her legacy to support their life together. Maybe so, but maybe not. Maybe she felt a direct connection to the LW (beyond just "my grandson's partner"). Maybe she even knew or suspected that the relationship was bad and would not be a life-long thing. Her decision to leave LW the money directly seems like a message that the money is for LW, regardless of what happens to LW's relationship with the grandson.

I used to work for a lawyer and believe me, the grandmother knew what she was doing naming you by name. These sort of issues come up all the time and any competent lawyer would have pointed out that you would still get the money in the event of a breakup with your partner. In fact, that is expressly why it's best practice to name recipients in your will, rather than refer to people as "my nephew and his partner."

So she considered the fact that you two might break up and decided to leave it to you anyway. If she was worried by a possible break-up, she would simply have left it all to him. There's no ethical dilemma that I can see - she wanted you to have it. I guess she liked you, even though you weren't close.

There is an exception in law with regard to wills and married couples which I'm going to try to explain here. Let's say a man and woman, legally married, each make respective wills. In each will he/she leaves everything to his/her spouse. The couple divorces. Man remarries. The man dies before he can make a new will. Ex-wife thinks that she's entitled to everything in the will. Ex-wife is NOT legally entitled. The will is null-and-void upon the divorce. At least it is in California. In law, assumptions are sometimes made about intent. In this case, the assumption is that the ex-husband, when making his will, assumed that he'd remain married to ex-wife. He did not remain married, therefore we can not assume that he'd still want his will executed as if he was still married.

Although the players in this case are slightly different, I believe the same principles apply. The grandmother probably assumed that grandson and girlfriend would remain a couple. Yes, I know they were never legally married, but they were a couple. And yes, we're talking about the grandmother's will and not the ex-boyfriend's. Still, we need to make assumptions about intent with regard to the grandmother's wishes. To add clarity: let's assume grandmother left something non-monetary to the girl, like a family heirloom of some sort -- perhaps a piece of jewelry that she intended to pass down to future generations or a ring that she supposed the bride might wear if the couple were to eventually marry. The RIGHT thing to do, should the couple break-up, is to return that piece of jewelry to the family. The same principle should apply to a monetary gift.