At first I read this & thought the LW should give the money to the ex. The emotional and legal battles that can come from wills are horrible, causing never-to-be-resolved splits within families and relations...not to mention fattening the lawyers at the fiscal and emotional expense of all involved. For the sake of general peace, keeping the lawyers out (the $10k will be gone in a week if they are brought in), and an expressed interest in keeping good relations with the rest of the ex's family, there is far more negative than positive value to keeping the $10k.

But then I re-read how grandma had doled out the money & I saw something I've seen countless times: the old woman was providing a form of insurance and empowerment to the younger women of the family. Yes, I am making the assumption that the LW is female, and if not, then my premise carries no value, but stick with me in case the overwhelming statistical odds are the case.

Grandma came from a generation of women who had no recourse in their dealings with their mates no matter how awful, were sure to be destitute if they left or were abandoned, and who typically had no say in how any spare money in the family was spent. By explicitly putting half the money in the hands of the female partners, grandma was to my mind giving them three things: 1) a safety net if they had to leave or were left; 2) if all was very good in the relationship, the authority to equally dictate how the total money was spent; or 3) the go-ahead to indulge themselves entirely for themselves.

In her will was one final chance for grandma to express her respect and compassion for the common bond of being at the mercy of the men that was grandma's experience. I think her intent was clearly for the shares to be that of the women, whether they were still with the men or not.

That said, should a legal battle start looming, cut bait. $10k is not enough to go to court with or for, nor is the pain of a battle over a will worth the win (been there, 15+ years ago, and the wounds have still not healed).

I said this way earlier, and it should be quite simple.

Your in debt.

1. Don't buy anything.

2. Put the entire amount on your college loan, if that is your worst offending debt.

3. Roll as much of the rest of the debt into 0% credit cards (if they still have those things) and pay it down hard.

4. When you're out of debt and truly a free person (male or female) buy some really pretty flowers and put them on her grave or what ever other possible nice gesture. Don't spend a lot on it, just a little something.

5. She didn't get that money to give to you by being in debt, see so you truly will be honoring her.

6. If the ex partner wants the money back or anyone else just realize that grandma must have had a special plan for you and knew what she was doing.

7. If the ex partner ever were to stop and think about it, and really ever had any respect for you at all, he would not count on that money or ask for it back, even if he thought he needed it more than you.

8. Finally you do need the money, saving some hack by giving the money back is like trying to save a way gone addicted person (thinking Pete Doherty here). You'd be wasting it, and not really honoring the grandmother, who remember, did most likely have that money to give by being a well thought out individual.

Several letter writers advocate giving the money "back". To whom? The grandmother is dead- it cannot be given "back" to her. She allocated it as she saw fit. The money is now the former girlfriend's and I can't see the "ethical" basis for letters claiming she is obligated to do anything in particular with it.

"Im not sure what she intended."

The grandmother intended that the LW receive a sum of money. If she had intended the inheritance to be for her grandson and his (current) partner to build a life together, she had only to leave it to her grandson, and mention the life-building. However, if she made a point of mentioning the LW, as well, then she may have considered that they might break up at some point. (Perhaps she also thought that her grandson did not treat the LW well enough.)

People don't necessarily leave money only to their actual family members; they might also leave money to someone who feels like family to them. Apparently, the LW felt like family to the grandmother, or, maybe s/he made the grandmother feel like family. Same thing.

My first reaction was to give it back. Then, after giving it more thought, I changed my mind. If I were the LW, I would take the money and donate every last cent to worthwhile cause. Money is a tool, folks, and seldom do we have 10K to help out someone who REALLY, REALLY, needs the help. All of us have outstanding loans, or whatever, but we are plunking away at our keyboards, chiming in on this column-- our lives are not that bad. So, take the money, and make it count in ways that neither you, nor your ex, ever could by keeping it for personal reasons.

Man, 10K could help buy a prosthesis for someone without a leg. It could feed 10 starving horses for months. It could buy staples for a battered woman's shelter... The choices are endless, but have fun deciding how you can help make this world a better place.

This will make you feel good now and forever.

LW, don't sell your soul for $10,000. I think you know in your heart that the money was written in for you based on the grandmother's assumption that you and her grandson would be together.

And if you want to look at it purely pragmatically, accepting that $10,000 is going to create a psychological tie to your ex that is probably not a healthy one.

Move on, do the right and smart thing, give your ex that $10,000, and be a better, freer person for it.