Letters to the Editor
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And this is different from some old bastard blood relation how?
Even your own relatives who hate your guts might leave you something. Should you give it back or laugh at them as they sizzle in hell? I vote sizzle in hell laughter.
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If a) it is in YOUR name and b) you don't get sued - KEEP IT
If the grandmother explicitly left money in YOUR name, to me that CLEARLY implies she wanted YOU to have the money and YOU to decide what to do with it. So if it's in YOUR name, keep it. Unless... see below.
$10K is probably not worth a lawsuit. If the money's not in your name, walk away. If your ex sues you, I'd walk away too. $10K isn't actually a lot when it comes to legal fees.
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Ask yourself
Ask yourself whether you will have lingering guilt over keeping the money, and whether keeping it will create a kind of psychic tether to your ex--which is something you don't want, and which might be more expensive in the long run than letting the money go.
Don't underestimate the importance of really getting rid of the baggage in your life--in this case, your ex--lock, stock and barrel. Making the cleanest break possible will help with your grieving/separation process. I think, if you don't need the money in a truly big way, you should do everything in your power to sever ties--all ties. And this money is a big one.
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WW
Do you really think she would have kept you in the will if you had split before she died? That seems incredibly unlikely -- even if she was a generous, wonderful woman, family (for most) comes first. Seriously, how often does an ex get an inheritance?
So... what if they'd stayed together until the will had been executed, and then they had decided to split up? Since the will was phrased the way that it was, with her name mentioned specifically, she'd get to keep the money as hers (at least in my state, don't know about yours). Not likely that she'd give it back.
So by the logic I've seen here, the only time that she'd need to give the money back is if - as now - they split up in the brief period between the grandmother dying and the will being executed. I don't get it.
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Oh, Pulease!
This is not a constitutional issue - it is a will. The money was left to the LW in the will, so she should get it. Intent is only an issue if there is evidence that the will might have been altered, or undue influence was used on the grandmother when the will was made.
The law protects a spouse in most states, guaranteeing them a certain share of an estate no matter what the will of the other spouse. As far as I know, no other relative (or grandson) gets that type of protection.
I'll admit the timing is lousy, but at the time the will was written, the LW was with her partner. The fact that they broke up later is irrelevant. One poster asked if relatives leave money to exes? Yes, they do - more frequently than you think.
I'm going to hazard a guess that some of the posters who claim that of course she should give the money back might claim "whining" if the LW talked about being screwed by a credit card company, mortgage broker, etc. The refrain of "you should have read the fine print, all the terms were there," etc. and so forth is used to mask the fact that a business might have acted immorally. Some people seem to accept that a business can be a rat-b*****d if they cover their ass with fine print, but an individual has to agonize, even though the "print" is in their favor.
In this case the will has no fine print - the grandmother could have said that the money would be revoked if a breakup occurred within a year of her death, or at any time in the future (and there are many trusts and wills that outline those types of scenarios), but she didn't. If she was with her partner when she got the money, and then broke off with him five years later, should she give the money back then? Should she infer that the grandmother meant unions to last forever?
Take the money, LW. If the family fights you on it, THEN you might have to think about how much hassle you want to go through to get it.
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Seems to me...
There's a lot of speculation/assumption that the grandmother would have changed the will to exclude the LW if she had broken up with the grandson prior to the grandmother's death.
Really?
Do we really think that the grandmother didn't know her grandson was a lying, cheating moneygrubber? I think she knew exactly what he was all about, and that's why she left the LW's share to her BY NAME.
Take the money and do with it what you will, as was the deceased's intent.
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Donate the money
I agree both with the person who said that the money was given based on the LW being a Partner to the Ex, and to the person who said that the money, if kept, will be an emotional tether to the Ex.
Perhaps you could keep your half, if it was willed by name to you in the will, and donate the money to a worthy cause - perhaps a shelter for victims of domestic abuse? This way your unworthy Ex doesn't get it, but you don't have to second guess your decision not to give the money back.
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Ask yourself
If he doesn't ask for the money but you give it to him anyway, you get to prove to him, in front of his whole family, that you are a far bigger person with impeccable moral standards.
If he doesn't ask for the money and you don't give it to him, you get $10,000.
If he does ask for the money and you give it to him, you may come across as decent, or you may come across as a pushover, I don't know. You know better than I do how he'll interpret it.
If he does ask for the money and you don't give it to him, you'll have $10,000 and he and his family may consider you vindictive.
You can decide for yourself which of these scenarios you prefer.