I've had opportunities to be a "pig," as some posters have called it, and keep money that wasn't really for me (though legally it was), and I didn't. But in this case, it's simple: the lady was given a gift by the grandmother.

We don't know what the grandmother would have felt about them being split up, but for all we know, the grandmother might have willed it to the partners precisely because she knew the two brothers, and reasoned that if they dogged around on these women like the last ones, then the women deserve the money, but if they stayed together, then they'd share it and no harm done. I don't know, of course, but I bet there's some reason why she stipulated that the women should be named, rather than just assuming the grandsons would share it with them. Why else would she?

It's a gift that was given to you. It's yours. I say, keep it and don't say a word about it to the guy, unless asked, and if anyone flies off the handle about it or makes it their business, treat the question much as you would if they started rummaging around in your purse. And if you feel selfish, you can make that up by giving a certain percentage of your income to charity, which is a good thing to do, and which will ensure that you never feel undue guilt. Good luck and blessings.

I bet the LW can't even accept a compliment, he or she is obviously so guilt-ridden and thinks so little of themself. No wonder the LW put up with the bad relationship for years.

Please send me the money, I'd have no qualms about enjoying it instead of making excuses to avoid letting something that is actually good happen to me: "blah blah blah struggling artist blah blah starving orphans in china".

There are thousands of people sitting on mountains of cash that they never deserved, millions, billions of dollars, and the LW feels guilty about accepting some spare change. The LW should keep the money and use it to buy some real problems, or perhaps some self-respect.

It sounds like Granny knew exactly what time it was.

Take the money and go.

Haven't read all the letters ad this has probably been said, but in case it hasn't...

The grandmother left the money in letter writer's name. She could have made a provision that the money would revert to the grandson in the event of separation or divorce. She could have left it all to the grandson, which would have been quite standard. She didn't. Maybe she wanted the ladies to have their own little pile of cash. You don't get to be the age of a grandmother without realizing that marriages can split up. She knew what she was doing and she left the money to the letter writer. Letter writer should absolutely keep the money. Maybe grandma knew grandson was a skank. I think she did it this way with intention, and I think she sounds like she was a cool lady.

If you really feel guilty, do something charitable and wonderful with the money, something that would honor the grandmother's memory -- a scholarship in her name? Donation to something that intersted her? It might feel fabulous to just let it go like that... toward something good for more than just one or two.

Beautifully said. Concise. Simple. You helped the writer set aside emotions and make a straightforward, reasonable and wise decision. Hats off.

Ron Soderquist, Ph.D.

I've only read about half the responses, and I generally think she should keep the money. But as someone pointed out, if she truly wants to divine the will of the dead, it seems the former GM wanted the cash to go to her grandson and her grandson's partner. So the LW should keep the money until the grandson has a new, established partner, then mail a check to said new partner, along with a note explaining everything.

Would that get you karma-carpers to shut it?

It is possible that Grandma wanted LW to have the money. Why? Maybe Grandma realized that her grandchild was a really lousy human being. Blood is not thicker than water, contrary to common "wisdom." To illustrate my point, a friend of mine has two really spoiled, grabby, self-centered brats. He is not leaving them a penny. The money he has will be going to charities, a really great kid he knows and to assist my niece and nephew in school if they need it.

Inheritance is not a right. And some people leave money to those who actually deserve it.

Inheriting the full 20K will means the LW’s ex has to pay an estate tax (as opposed to the tax free 10K). And maybe, since we know he’s not very reliable, he just won’t pay it when it comes due next year. So the LW could get no inheritance but still have to pay the taxes on or get in trouble with the IRS. I wouldn’t even be surprised to find out he had a ‘secret’ credit card to use with his many girlfriends that the LW might end up having to pay for.

This LW has taken enough shit from her ex. I advise her to hang on to the cash until the divorce is final and all the taxes and expenses associated with it are done with. Then – if she still wishes and there is anything left – she can gift that 10K to her ex.

payable to yourself. The money is yours, enjoy it. End of story.

The stark inability to think logically that is so much on display here is just incredible--so many people just making up stories about the people involved in this situation, then using these figments of their imaginations to "prove" their points. Learn to think, people! Learn to read, too, those of you who think there are "tax consequences" of any kind (gift tax is not inheritance tax, and inheritance tax doesn't kick in for estates under $1 million), and those of you who think the LW and the ex were married, and those of you who think the grandmother did not leave the bequest to the LW in the LW's name. After you have learned to think, and to read, come on back and post. Until then, please STFU.