the money back. If she had a special relationship with the grandmother, that would be one thing. But that is his relative, not hers, and she gave that money because you are in a relationship. You really would be selfish and wrong to keep it. Ten thousand dollars is a pretty cheap price for selling your soul.

mad cartoonist = damaged goods.

Whenever I hear a bitter woman complaining about how evil all the men of the world are... well it's just sad. Glad my wife isn't one, or she wouldn't be my wife. And if I were that way, well I wouldn't be her husband. As it is we love and respect each other.

I know plenty of good guys, including myself (proud to say) who are peaceful, loving, honest, moral, faithful, generally ok guys. Modest too! ;)

We sure aren't attracted to bitter cynical women who like to fling crap all over and make mean spirited assumptions about half the planet.

Such cynical women (and men) tend to have emotional problems that drive others away, or attract the wrong sorts, and then they come up with an excuse why it's the world's fault.

Sure some just have bad luck. But, luck aside, you get out of life what you put into it. And you can't control luck, so best to do the best with what you can influence, starting with oneself.

This isn't blood money. This is an inheritance left from one person to another without any contingencies, ethical or otherwise. It's really quite simple, despite your histrionics. Do you want people second guessing your will?? Is it your position that the grandmother's wishes be contradicted?? Have you never heard of people leaving money to someone outside their family?? If you think that accepting this money is tantamount to selling one's soul, you have a penchant for drama. The particulars of this situation leave little ethical grey area, except for those who choose to muddy the waters. In this case, ethics and law walk hand-in-hand.

To all you people who are so sure you know what the grandmother's intentions are. If she trusted the grandson to handle the money responsibly, why wouldn't she have simply left it to him? It seems obvious she knew he was irresponsible and that his best chance of financial stability was to leave part of the money to a stable partner. He blew that stability and it's fair that he suffer the consequences. I'm guessing she'll be fine in her grave with this outcome. But my guess at her intentions is as much a guess as anyone else's.

Either way, keep the money.

We have inheritance and divorce law so that 1) people's wishes about the dispersal of their property after they're dead are clear and legally binding, and 2) so that divorce is somewhat "fair".

Why are people on this site saying that the LW should make a "moral" stand and not take the money? Probably they are the same people who would insist that the LW also not get a lawyer during her divorce, and that the LW not insist on getting 1/2 of her and her husband's assets when they divorced. Don't listen to them---some people actually believe that women don't have any right to joint assets in a marriage--they think the man should take everything!

Why are people also saying that no one can know what the grandmother really wanted? Actually, it's pretty clear what the grandmother wanted--- that's why people make wills! The grandmother made a will and her wishes were clearly (& legally) expressed in it. The LW should do what the grandmother so clearly wanted.

Marriage is a legal contract in addition to a spiritual one. Yes, it will be nice when you get to walk away from this mess. But why not take with you what's legally yours when you go?

It wasn't even your fault the marriage broke up, so why do you feel guilty? I'm also at a loss why you feel like your ex needs it more than you do.

I imagine that your ex & maybe his family too has been "working on you", trying to make you feel guilty for everything, trying to make you just go away without taking any assets from your marriage.

Realize that these people DO NOT have your best interests at heart. Get away from them, and listen to your lawyer instead.

A male would have long since deposited the money and not looked back.

This is one male who completely disagrees with that, and so would my wife find that sentiment repulsive. That's part of the reason we love and respect each other and have always been faithful, despite plenty of opportunity.

A lot of the bad advice here seems to come from unfortunately cynical, unwise, and unhappy people.

But, what goes around comes around.

While we all make mistakes and learn things as we go, in the long run, a person's character more than anything else, determines the sort of person they'll be with.

Sounds like the LW picked one dud, but she'd be a fool to lose her own good character in the deal and become a greedy cynic for a paltry $10k. Better to learn from past mistakes and move on as a better and wiser person, and embody the qualities she'd want from her next lover, than to make another mistake now.

I'd sure have difficulty trusting or loving a woman who took the money. One of the things I love and respect about my wife is that she made a moral choice in her career regarding her family.

So by the logic I've seen here, the only time that she'd need to give the money back is if - as now - they split up in the brief period between the grandmother dying and the will being executed. I don't get it.

This is an interesting moral dilemma, but very clear with a little thought.

The money was for the continuation of grandmother's family welfare, in the future infinitive sense. The money was not as payment for services rendered or number of years together with the grandson. The money allocated to the spouse was predicated on her grandsons' continuing relationships.

The Grandmother made an effort to include the spouses directly by name and thereby include them in her good will, just as names are on holiday cards, but again that is predicated on their relationship with the grandchildren and not really personal. It was a formula, each spouse got the same amount, and there was no personal relationship between the Grandmother and the LW.

Had the grandson separated earlier and remarried, or had the grandmother lived longer, the LW would almost certainly be removed or given a far smaller token sum, perhaps 1/10th at most, with the remainder going to the grandson or other family.

Therefore, since the LW and the grandson are now finished, the LW can't fulfill the grandmother's wishes for the money to benefit her family, and would be accepting the money in bad faith and in disrespect of the deceased.

In regards to timing, had the will been executed and then they stayed together for several years, one could argue the money went towards the grandmother's family welfare for that period, and being justly spent was not the LW's burden to return.

But, with the distribution of the money coming in close proximty to the seperation, there is no justification the money can be spent honoring the Grandmother's intentions for it to benefit her family, and must be returned.

Nor does the LW ethically have the right to donate it to a charity, for it does not ethically belong to the LW but the Grandmother and her family.

I think the LW knows this, but is just tempted to keep the money. But this is a trial of her personal scruples and the worth of her character. If she takes the money she'll be $10K richer but much poorer in terms of personal dignity and character. She'll also take a step towards materialism, self deception, and greed, which is certain to impoverish her in more ways than one later in life.

Would the LW want her future lover to know she'd kept her ex's grandmother's money? Probably not. I wouldn't trust such a person's character. It doesn't sound like the LW is impoverished financially now, so why impoverish her character?

btw, assuming the LW does the right thing and returns the money, hopefully the grandson should also be appreciative and take example from the LW.

Regardless, the LW should know good deeds are their own reward. Yhat sounds pollyanish, but here's a fact: the LW will have bragging rights for her moral character, and such people ultimatly attract more virtuous partners. When the "ex conversation" eventually comes up, what an impressive example of her character it will be