Letters to the Editor
-
Ravenwing,
please read (for the first time???) the entire letter.
"I don't feel right interfering with the grandmother's overall legacy and don't want to encourage resentment from my ex or his family, but she did leave the money to me, in my name."
The LW was mentioned by name.
-
Small Addition...
If the LW dated the ex for five years and the grandmother put him/her by name into the will, that suggests that the will was updated very recently, probably within the last two years or so. And I agree with the poster above who suggested that assuming the grandmother was a dotty old fool is ageism. The grandmother certainly seemed to know specific names and relationships, didn't she?
I'm making a huge assumption about the attorney involved here, so I apologize in advance, but NO attorney worth his/her weight will write a will for a dotty, senile individual. Most attorneys will turn down clients when it is evident that senility is involved. Sometimes, it is even heartbreaking, because the child is taking care of a parent who had not made a will before senility set in. Nevertheless, no good attorney would put him or herself in that position for many, many reasons.
Again... the addition of the LW's name is a big deal. These were the legal, specific wishes of the grandmother. The money is yours. Period. No legal issues at all. That's not to say you couldn't be taken to court over it, in which case I agree with one of the other posters who said that you shouldn't fight it, because it's not worth a legal battle. Although it is a legal battle you. would. win. --it would still be a heartbreaking ordeal.
In the end, it's about your comfort level. Just, please, don't hand the money over to the ex. Just tell the attorney you don't want it and go from there. After all, she only left $10,000 to the ex for a reason. Whatever that reason is ... whether it's you or something else...is not for you to speculate. I imagine there are provisions in the will to cover it, if you don't accept it and those provisions may very well not involve the ex AT ALL. So, do it all through the channels of the attorney and the court, even if you have to retain said attorney by handing him a dollar.
-
PS..
Ravnwing:
I agree with the poster who asked you to read more carefully.
It's evident, by reading the letter, that we have--
1) what the family thinks/believes about the grandmother's wishes, i.e., that the money was to go to grandchild and partners-- and then--
2) THE ACTUAL WISHES IN THE WILL, which do not agree with the grandmother's family's beliefs, which are the LW's name and a specific bequest.
Those are two different things. I'm guessing that's probably part of the crux of the problem for the LW here. What he/she has heard from the family and what the grandmother actually requested are two different things. That's not really shocking. Often, family members believe they know everything about the wishes of their other family members, especially when it comes to a will. But, really, how often is that true? Not very often. It's why we have wills in the first place.
The writing in the will, which is what actually occurred, is the more accurate rendition of what the grandmother desired. Actually, by naming a specific name, we don't even have to guess.
Second-guessing the way those instructions were written is moot, from a legal standpoint and actually, from an ethical standpoint as well.
Now, it really all comes down to what makes the letter writer happiest.
-
an uncommon example of reason and reflection
often cary's letters are from individuals who are so morally confused and narcissistic that it reinforces belief in a pervasive societal anomie. but here we have a rational and ballanced reflection and what do we get in return? the most inane attacks. it is interesting that many of the unecessarily harsh responses rather than the actual letter that are of concern
-
Ravnwing is wrong
The LW posted this on the thread:
to clarify...
LW here. Just want to point out that my partner and i were not married, there were no tax benefits to his grandmother splitting the money, and it was left specifically in my name with no caveats. I'm not justifying, just clarifying.
-
Standing in Grandma's slippers
I'll imagine I'm Grandma with a clear concept of what a lousy layabout by grandson is. I'll recall WWII, maybe the Depression, the challenges of my own life when the kids were literally hungry and there was no such thing as easy credit. And I consider the $20k I have designated for this couple as I write my will.
Logically she gives half to the LW who will caretake the money and use it for something sensible and wise. She gives half to the layabout to insure there is no bad blood, knowing he will piss it away.
Now, LW, use the money the way grandma would have liked -- for something practical and wise like an investment. It will honor her intentions. Handing the money to the layabout is a slap in the face of a generation that earned their way through life.
-
A question no one's yet considered
Do we know how the ex's family feels about all of this? Have they asked for the money back? Are they dropping hints or putting on pressure in some other way?
It's entirely possible that the ex and his family are happy for the LW to have the money that's legally hers. They might even be affronted or think the LW in bad taste for trying to return what is today such a paltry sum. Could they see it as an insult to the grandmother, who spelled out her intentions, it would seem, very clearly?
I'm trying to think about how my own family would react in such a situation, or how I would feel if I were the ex, my partner and I had split, and my grandma had given money to my ex by name (though the guilt over infidelities wouldn't be a factor in my case-- and it may be a factor in the ex's feelings of guilt about recieving money from the LW). I really can't imagine accepting the money back from the LW. I might even view it as petty triumphalism, vengefullness, etc. I mean, isn't it possible that since the ex was cheating, that giving money to him could be viewed as an act of revenge or agression, a gesture proving the LW's superiority?
All I'm saying is that the LW should be very clear about their motives, whatever they choose, and honor their own character. If the ex's family would be affronted and view the return as petty, or worse, an insult to the dead grandmother, then don't return it. Perhaps the family and the ex are very proud. I'm personally inclined to the view that the LW should refuse the money for their own peace of mind. But if the family and ex would be annoyed or insulted, then don't try to give them the money.
This is why I'd second the people who've advised you to wait. The LW should make this decision with a cool head, really evaluating what's demanded ethically.