Letters to the Editor
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here it is
So by the logic I've seen here, the only time that she'd need to give the money back is if - as now - they split up in the brief period between the grandmother dying and the will being executed. I don't get it.
This is an interesting moral dilemma, but very clear with a little thought.
The money was for the continuation of grandmother's family welfare, in the future infinitive sense. The money was not as payment for services rendered or number of years together with the grandson. The money allocated to the spouse was predicated on her grandsons' continuing relationships.
The Grandmother made an effort to include the spouses directly by name and thereby include them in her good will, just as names are on holiday cards, but again that is predicated on their relationship with the grandchildren and not really personal. It was a formula, each spouse got the same amount, and there was no personal relationship between the Grandmother and the LW.
Had the grandson separated earlier and remarried, or had the grandmother lived longer, the LW would almost certainly be removed or given a far smaller token sum, perhaps 1/10th at most, with the remainder going to the grandson or other family.
Therefore, since the LW and the grandson are now finished, the LW can't fulfill the grandmother's wishes for the money to benefit her family, and would be accepting the money in bad faith and in disrespect of the deceased.
In regards to timing, had the will been executed and then they stayed together for several years, one could argue the money went towards the grandmother's family welfare for that period, and being justly spent was not the LW's burden to return.
But, with the distribution of the money coming in close proximty to the seperation, there is no justification the money can be spent honoring the Grandmother's intentions for it to benefit her family, and must be returned.
Nor does the LW ethically have the right to donate it to a charity, for it does not ethically belong to the LW but the Grandmother and her family.
I think the LW knows this, but is just tempted to keep the money. But this is a trial of her personal scruples and the worth of her character. If she takes the money she'll be $10K richer but much poorer in terms of personal dignity and character. She'll also take a step towards materialism, self deception, and greed, which is certain to impoverish her in more ways than one later in life.
Would the LW want her future lover to know she'd kept her ex's grandmother's money? Probably not. I wouldn't trust such a person's character. It doesn't sound like the LW is impoverished financially now, so why impoverish her character?
btw, assuming the LW does the right thing and returns the money, hopefully the grandson should also be appreciative and take example from the LW.
Regardless, the LW should know good deeds are their own reward. Yhat sounds pollyanish, but here's a fact: the LW will have bragging rights for her moral character, and such people ultimatly attract more virtuous partners. When the "ex conversation" eventually comes up, what an impressive example of her character it will be