Letters to the Editor
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To the LW
Lots of people here sound so certain about what they'd do, so I'll say this: I understand your ambivalence. I recently got divorced from someone who cheated several times. If his (still living, fortunately) grandmother had left me something in a will written before the split, I would feel weird about keeping it. I know that he would never have suggested that I give it to him; I doubt his family would have either. Even so, I came into her life as her grandson's partner, that was the capacity in which she knew me, and I would assume that that was the capacity in which she left me the money. I understand why people are saying it's disrespectful to second-guess the deceased's intentions when she specifically left it in your name. I agree, but in my hypothetical situation, I still think I'd feel weird about taking it.
Is there anything legally or ethically wrong with you taking it? No. We have to assume she knew what she was doing by specifically leaving you your own gift. Even if she was sort of out of it, presumably her lawyer would have clarified with her that she intended to leave it to you as you, rather than you as partner. If would have been simple enough to say "I leave $10,000 to Bill's partner Jill (or Jack), unless they are no longer together at the time of my passing, in which case that sum goes to Bill."
If it were me, I think I'd probably give it to the ex, perhaps keeping enough so I could afford counseling to get over the demise of the relationship and the emotional mess being repeatedly cheated on and lied to leaves behind. Maybe it doesn't make a lot of sense, maybe it's not the correct thing to do legally-- or ethically, from the perspective of the grandmother's wishes. But each of us has to decide what we feel comfortable doing....and if you feel comfortable keeping it, keep it! But if you feel uncomfortable, honor that feeling-- there's nothing wrong with that, and there's no reason to add to the bad feelings you have coming out of the relationship. It's made you feel bad enough already!