Letters to the Editor
-
No, no, no!
You wrote so a bunch of strangers could tell you variations of "NO"!
**** "Don't do it, you are too special".
**** "Don't ruin the life of his wife (kids, dog, whatever)..."
**** "You women are all the same..."
**** "You are being used".
THE ANSWER IS NO!
-
Girls, girls, girls.
These guys in their 30s using you for all you're worth, and now the married guys doing the same?
Make some girlfriends, girlfriend. You seem way too man-needy and it's going to bite you in the ass. Soon enough you're going to wake up with no man of any age around.
-
Everyone Is Free To Use Sunscreen
I agree with Cary's appreciation of the authors cadence. I also enjoyed the cadence and rythym of Cary's response.
It rather reminded me of a song I heard years ago, composed with lyrics borrowed from a graduation speech, filled with gentle admonishments about life in general...
For the interested:
http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/lyrics/graduation.htm
-Gonnosuke
-
I don't think it's that simple
Dear Attractive Middle-Aged Woman:
I thought Cary’s advice was good, but I think he missed a few things.
You want to know how to enjoy the rest of your life.
I’m going to be a little harsh here. I’m sorry if it’s difficult to hear this….and I know it’s difficult, because my friends told me the same thing time and time again, until finally I actually listened to them and got some therapy and figured out my issues.
You will enjoy the rest of your life a helluva lot more if start treating yourself better. You are not treating yourself with respect, and you are allowing men to treat you disrespectfully. You had a string of men who moved in with you and expected you to take care of them? You are responsible for that. I assume you invited them to move in. How well did you know each man? Surely, if you’re honest with yourself, you had an inkling each time that this was the kind of freeloader who’d quit his job. You haven’t been in a man’s apartment or house in years because you are dating men who are using you. Maybe it’s not always for sex, maybe it’s just for a makeout session or your cooking or you taking care of them somehow….but you are the caregiver. You are obviously not dating men who are taking care of you. That doesn’t mean buying you things and taking care of you financially – you’re an independent woman and you don’t need that – but it does mean NOT taking advantage of you, financially or emotionally. It means being an equal partner in a relationship.
Now you’ve met a married man. Oh, wait. You haven’t met him yet.
As a veteran of the online dating scene, trust me on this: you have absolutely no idea who this guy is until you meet him in person. My rule is to meet sooner rather than later (within a couple of emails) because you will never know if you have any chemistry with someone until you meet them in person. I’m dating a great guy I met online, but I’ve corresponded with plenty of men online who were great on paper and email and complete losers in person, or just nice guys that I felt no connection with.
I’m not going to go lecture you on why you shouldn’t get involved with a married man. I think you’re smart enough to know that’s not a road that’s going to lead anywhere good.
I think your interest in this married man is just another chapter of the same book of dating men who don’t treat you right. And again, I’m sorry to say this, but it’s your fault. You are emitting the vibe that you don’t respect yourself.
Please, LW, get some therapy. Work on your self-esteem, because I don’t think it’s in such good shape right now. Honestly, I dated the same kind of guys you do for 10 years until I finally found a great therapist and started really being honest with myself. It’s hard to admit having low self-esteem. It feels like a massive character flaw. But it can be fixed, and your life can be so much richer for it. I’ve finally started asking for more in my life and expecting men to treat me better, and I’ve been dating a man who treats me better than anyone I’ve ever dated. And it’s made me see how I sold myself short for many many years. I want to shake my past self and tell her to wake up and stop settling for losers. Obviously I can’t do that but I’m grateful I finally figured it out. I know you can too. It just takes a little work. And then I think that enjoying the rest of your life will come pretty naturally to you.
-
Enjoy life, you deserve it!
I am totally straight, in my 30's, woman, but you have the most attractive writing persona. I am enthrawled with the LW (sp?). If I were a man I'd date you in a second!
-
wheeee!
Great letter and great advice. You're fine, girlfriend. But , yeah, watch out for the married one. Better a 30-year-old twerp without a wife than a 50-year-old one with a wife.
I might have one more piece of advice for the LW: Try going sober for a while. I don't know, just a hunch?
Kay
-
Unfortunately
Homo sapiens aren't that long out of the jungle.
Males who are in demand aren't looking for 50-something women--they are looking for 20 or 30s-somethings becuz of the fertility thing.
It's not fair, it's not right but it's the truth. 50-something women aren't in demand--20-somethings are. So 50-somethings get the losers & the jerks & the other odd assorted undesirables--or choose to go it alone. It's all a matter of value on the sexual marketplace.
But look at it this way--when you were in your 20's you were in demand--so at least you got to enjoy that part of your life!