I love your biting sarcasm. I really do. I loved your image of pom-pom clad breast cancer survivors marching for a cure. Holy shit, I couldn't believe it. You really know how to skewer a sacred pro-female image, and I thought you were very brave to write that. That took it to the outer edge of sarcasm. Do you have any other writing that you can share, that is posted on the Internet or published somewhere? Have you ever written about your depression?

Christ, are you going to skewer me now too for asking? You probably think of yourself as a Great Big Drag, but I found you to be oddly funny and refreshing.

Don't choose cancer treatment because your family will be devastated. Chances are they will be devastated if you choose treatment and still die sometime. It'a family's duty to be devasated and to cheer you on in treatment, assuring you that it will work. Of course, this backfires because many cancer patients at some point choose to stop treatment and then they feel guilty because they gave up while the family was still saying "go, go!"

We, as a society, do not like death. We do not accept it graciously and we don't know how to deal with it. I hope that if it's ever my time to know the end is near I will be able to accept it as "my time" (not that I believe in fate and of course I picture that happening around the age of 96). I find it refreshing when people can say "I fought, it's not working, it's time to accept it". The problem is, the LW doesn't seem to be at that point. The LW seems to be depressed and using the cancer as an excuse to give up. Of course, that's her/his right but it would be too bad to give up because of an easily remedied depression.

I'm guessing part of the problem here is that you've been "living a lie" for quite a while now, and, yes, you're were both lonely and alone before this came up and your emotional reserves were and are very low.

Talk to your doctor about your ambivalence. If your doctor recommends a psychiatrist/psychologist, follow through. Your feelings are not uncommon or unreasonable ... but they should not go unspoken. I would recommend taking the likely to be offered antidepressants, even going to "group" if recommended.

For most people (not all, by any means), cancer and the specter of other debilitating or funtionally limiting illness (heart disease, arthritis, for instance) tend to arise at a time in life when the future already seems a bit precarious, when parents and other friends have started dying off and one has witnessed or heard disturbing accounts of "what's ahead".

Having "control" and losing "control" are big issues with regard to simple aging for many many people. Illness make this concern immediate. Suicide can look like a last-ditch way to maintain "control" but, it's always available, so "what's the rush?" (fwiw, I do believe a person has a "right" to end their own life, although I have very mixed feelings about how much assistance and/or approval they are due, particularly in non-terminal situations.)

It is very likely there are reasons to continue with at least some treatment and certainly surveillance even if you decide against aggressive chemotherapy. No one is going to FORCE treatment on you, however, as others have mentioned, the course of untreated breast cancer, while quite varied, is often fairly relentless. Talk to your doctor. Even if you decide against "all treatment," you will both need and deserve medical care. I recommend taking the "path of least resistance" for now and continuing with treatment until you have further explored your options and your feelings.

Good luck.

The beauty of breast cancer is that after they've been removed you can have better ones installed. Live for the breasts if nothing else.

I, personally, have been dead for over twelve years, and I'm loving every minute of it.

You see old friends, family members, pets and get to haunt all the jerks and a-holes who made your mortal life such a misery.

Also, passing through walls and exploring new dimensions are both pretty rockin' too.

Best of all, you get to molest Demi Moore.

Death rocks. I recommend it to every Republican I know.

LW - it's tough for the rest of us to recommend any considered course of action without knowing one key bit of information:

Did you ever vote for Bush?

If so then I recommend you kill yourself ASAP.

It's the only morally responsible thing to do.

If not, then stick around - you still have his impeachment and disgrace to look forward to.

I think that those who mention they're angry about people's "sanctimony," "tsk-tsking," and "lack of empathy" are projecting their own anger and condemnation. The letters do mention, and I agree, that the letter-writer seems to have felt this way all along independently of the cancer, and that this is what needs to be faced and addressed. This probably seems insensitive to the reality of the cancer. That's understandable, and sorry to seem insensitive or cheerleading in the face of something that certainly may become too painful to face.

But I think most of our respondents here have mentioned that they've got some experience with the topic(s), if you reread them, and though they're advocating forcefully for a position, there are most often caveats mentioning that they couldn't judge someone who really went through a devastating, painful illness. We're prescribing what we think is moral, sure, and I don't think it's wrong to say someone should think about the friends and family members around the person, or to encourage them to give those people's feelings equal weight to one's own. If someone didn't spare such consideration, unless it truly was unbearable pain, then why shouldn't survivors think, hey, thanks a lot for all the consideration? I personally do think that people have a duty to help other people if they can, unless they're truly in unbearable physical pain (and the lw didn't indicate such pain, yet, but I believe she said that the emotional feelings were around before the diagnosis). That doesn't mean I'm sniping at the people, like those I've known who've bagged it all. No empathy? I _do_ have empathy. But what do you want me to call it when someone cops out before they have to, instead of sticking around as long as they can, to help their fellow people? Selfless?

So how is that not sanctimonious? Well I don't know--if you give someone advice, anyone, on any topic, and they don't follow it, or it's different from another person's advice, then are you always, automatically, hatefully judging the person? So every time you offer someone a soup recipe that you feel is better than theirs, you were sanctimoniously offering the recipe?

Personally, I was just offering what I thought was best for the person and those around her. Again, if it truly becomes unbearable, then no, I'm not judging her. But she seemed to be indicating that her feelings preceded that point of dire straits.