If you want to stay, stay.

If you want to write to a complete stranger and ask for advice, and then put up with even more free advice from people, keep reading.

I suggest "Final Exit" by Derek Humphries. It worked for me. (That may be too hard for the average Salon reader to comprehend.)

It sounded like the lw did not want a lecture, but rather some advice. Advice on how to console his family for their future loss, advice for how to explain his impending suicide to his family and himself. The lw does not sound like a man in crisis, he sounds like a man who has made a decision.

And I take issue with the fact that "you're just not into" answering that letter that was written last march. The lw in that case asked you a VERY explicit question, and you just refused to answer it. That's not very responsible for an advice columnist, yes, irresponsible.

There are plenty of people on this planet. More than plenty. Life is not so "rare" or "precious" as you describe it Cary. Depression is not the only reason for a desire for suicide, I don't think. You're passing judgment when you should be answering questions and helping people with the problem they write to you about.

Coolidge, an advice columnist is a person, not a robotic answering device. Cary has no obligation to advise someone how to do something he morally opposes.

Saying "life isn't precious" as if it's a statement of fact doesn't impress me.

Dear LW:

I once dated a guy who was an AA sponsor. Once when he was at my place a suicidal sponsee called him. I didn't hear the entire conversation, but I did hear part of it. My boyfriend explained to the guy that he hoped he didn't kill himself, because it would make lots of people sad. But those people would still go on with their lives, and they would eat pizza and watch sunsets and still have moments of joy in their lives, and that if he killed himself, he would never have pizza again or see sunsets or feel joy.

It seems pretty cheesy writing it now, but the caller did check himself into rehab the next day so it must've had some impact. I hope something in this does for you too.

Also - I've had 2 family members and 1 friend commit suicide. I have also felt suicidal myself at times, but because I've seen the impact these suicides had on me and others in my life, I recognized my feelings as a sign that I needed to get some help. I found a great therapist and a great drug (I would be the national spokesperson for Lexapro if they'd let me) and I am now so far removed from the depression that sometimes it's hard for me to remember how low I was.

Things can get better if you try. They won't if you don't.

LW, it seems that perhaps you don't want to die, you just want an end to this unhappiness you feel.

Or maybe you really do want to die.

Until now, the answer didn't really matter. You were healthy and you could just wallow in the comfortable inertia of the unhappiness, wishing the unhappiness would end and yet not doing anything about it. It's kind of like eating Doritos on the couch and wishing you could lose weight and yet not doing anything about it.

Now, like a heart attack knocking the Doritos out of your hand, the cancer is forcing you to quit wishing and really do something about this unhappiness you feel.

You can end it. You have advanced cancer. You can refuse treatment. Problem solved.

You can fight it tooth and nail, denying your unhappiness and hanging on through the pain until your last breath, dragging you and your family through hell.

Or you can look at the unhappiness, look at the cancer, look at the treatments, look at all the pieces of this complicated situation, and really take charge of what's left of your life.

For sure, talk to your doctors and get all the info you can on your condition, on depression, on your options. Determine how much you are willing to fight and when the fight should end and how.

Then gather your small family and your friends and tell them what you know. Tell them about the unhappiness and the cancer and ask for their help. You may find that they'll step up and offer the comfort that helps ease the unhappiness without dying. You might find they will miss you horribly, or at the very least they want time with you before you die.

Join a support group and talk with other people in your condition and see how they handle this amazing opportunity.

We all will die, we don't all get a say in how it happens.

Live, die, but don't just sit there.

being alive is gorgeous! even when everything here is hopeless and terrible. there are still breathtaking movies and books, the sun still creates unexpected reflections and -against all odds- there exist selfless people, giving people, hilarious people, brilliant people...

i would say that you should soak up every moment, but i've come to believe that that is simply too much pressure (and can lead to some questionable acts of spontaneity). so instead, my advice is just to look around and go on about your day.

Wanting to give up the fight and just die is one of the side effects of a cancer diagnosis that marijuana is famous for fixing.

I know "Cary the 12 Traditioner" would never dare suggest such a thing. It's very unromantic, and it hardly gives one the opportunity to prose it up about death, right?

But sorry -- a human life is at stake. No time for romance or decorum.

I know we're all supposed to tell the LW that she should fight it regardless of how horrible the chemo will make her feel and regardless of whether she wants to be here or not, but in my view, age may have something to do with it too.

How old is the LW ? I know we like to pretend that 70 is the new 40, but if the LW feels that she had a long life and she's seen it all, who are we to tell her otherwise ?

It's not common here in the US, but there is such a thing as going with dignity - I've watched both my grandmothers linger on for years praying that they'd be relieved from the pain and the loneliness they felt after their spouses passed. We don't like to admit that while old age can be great if you're surrounded by friends and family and you're in reasonable shape, it can also be horifically isolating.

So if the LW is towards the end of her natural life, I say we should allow her to make her own decisions and offer her our support and our prayers.