This guy does need a therapist, no doubt. But he should also pack his bags and move far, far away from the object of his obsession and all these "hipsters" he so hates before he snaps completely and does something to really hurt someone. Surely I'm not the only one who thinks that his strange ranting about "revolutions" and getting aggressive, etc., is the proverbial Big Red Flag?

Dear Musician on the Mattresses:

Grow up; move on; and get a life. She does not want you. She does not care about you. So don't even think of starting a "civil war." If you do, you will definitely be thought of as the crazy guy. Instead let your maturity be your beacon of light to everyone who knows both of you.

SJ

I say LW chanels all that anger into humor, Your a local musician? Write a song called Accidnetal Stalker Guy. Make it funny, make it self deprecating, but at the same time make a call for a truce,

If it's funny enough, people won't be able to help but laugh

The trouble is you're still thinking that your whole existence/success/reputation is being defined by 'her'. And even though you say you don't want it to be, you're still letting it be.

eg You think it's because of her that no one attended your event. Maybe - but people get bad reps in all kinds of other ways too, and they overcome them to have successful events and lives. People forget much much faster than you think. It could be you're the only one who is remembering. Projection is a powerful thing. Next time you have an event you need to PR and market it even better, rehearse even harder - overdetermine its success. Word will get out sooner or later that these are good events.

Overall you need to do everything you make and keep your side of the street beautiful. What anyone else chooses to think or say or do - including attending or not attending your event - is up to them and out of your hands. Therefore you can forget about it. You don't have to engage with that in any way.

If you can forgive yourself for what happened/didn't happen, and can move on with your life, everyone else will too. The sooner you do this the sooner you can fall in love with someone who requites your feelings for example.

Are you having obsessive thoughts about her? Anti depressants REALLY help when your brain is stuck in a rut and can't climb out.

Other than that though, I wish I could tell you so that you could hear me: it's really not about her. She really can't affect your life unless you give her the power to. And you can take back the power that you've given her in your mind, and get on with your life.

and anyone who uses the phrase "coolest of the coolest" twice in a letter is himself intrinsically as lame as possible.

what a piddling annoying letter, maybe you're just a shitty musician? get out of town and leave the normal people alone.

The LW seriously needs to move on and forget about this woman. I agree that the LW might do better in a new locale. It would give the LW a fresh start, and break the spell of this woman.

By the way, why is the LW so hung up on the phrase "coolest of the cool"? Sounds as if the LW is more obsessed with the "idea" of this woman...not the actual person herself.

It hurts when someone rejects us, but it's best to lick your wounds in private. Continuing to flail and complain in public will only drive people away.

Maybe I am naive, but I feel like some of the responses may be a little harsh on LW. People seem to forget, these mid 20's to mid 30's "Hipster cliques" are often just as bad as the popular girls in High School, and can dish out there disaproval just as harshly. Simply put, I doubt any amount of change the LW makes to his personality will ever help the situation.

So, maybe moving is the best thing.

Absolutely nothing good can come from trying to take on this woman and her friends. I guarantee that you will regret it. Please don't do it.

... so maybe someone can answer this for me - are Cary Tennis' responses always so long-winded and self indulgent? Or did he just get carried away this one time?

I am not saying "move" because they're right. I am saying "move" because people in a small town have a way of branding you a certain way and then creating social forces that funnel you into their self-fulfilling prophecies.

You feel stigmatized. You're embarrassed. These feelings won't go away and you don't know what to do. You are considering a "fight" response. But how about "flight" response? Go try a big city! Nobody knows anybody, you can be as weird as you want, and there are more opportunities for jobs and fun anyway.

Your hipster acquaintances are big fish in a small pond. They will do whatever they have to in order to keep potential competitors down. Small towns breed nasty people -- they're friendly at first, but under the surface their fiercely territorial and gossipy.

You are insecure and you've let this whole thing get to you. Trust me -- when you move away, it'll be like a whole new world, literally and figuratively. You'll gain experiences. Suddenly, what people think of you won't matter so much. It'll be tabula rasa, baby, a blank slate on which you can recreate your self-image from the ground up.

Oh, by the way, 75% of tattooed hipster people are big-time losers. "Hey, dude, I've got $100 burning a hole in my pocket....I think I'll hire a hacky, amateur artist to doodle a dragon or other trite symbol on my arm!" Or: "I need to express my individuality, so I think I'll get a tattoo like everybody else does!" Why do you care what such morons think of you?