Letters to the Editor
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Creepy Stalker Dude
Yeah, I'm not convinced that this guy is a creepy stalker who deserves this sort of prolonged punishment. But then, since he left out all of the salient information, it's hard to judge. Problem is, how can he make a group of people like him again? Well, ya can't. All you can do it to not care, or get yourself a new group of friends. The punishment will continue until he disappears from town for a few years.
There is stalking and then there is unwanted attention. The LW was probably getting close to the stalker end of the continuum. But the hipsterati crowd is unbelievably cruel for those who transgress. When I was an undergrad, I hung around a bunch of socialists who lived communally. I managed to attract the attention of an older guy, who twice stopped by my house on his way to work for a cup of tea. I mentioned casually to another woman that I didn't like the attention, but wasn't sure what to do. Next thing I know, a "meeting" is held and this guy is raked over the coals for "harrassing" me. It was just tea! I felt awful. He was thoroughly repentent for acting on his repressed-sexist-rage-that-results-from-the-capitalist-economy, but nonetheless, all of the cool communists ostracized him for years. I tried to defend him, letting them know that he never came on to me, etc., but at the end of the day I just had to dump these people....their over-reaction was worse than having a guy like you when you're not interested in him. But then again, this was the 90s, when moral outrage was supposed to be the equivalent of having a moral centre.
My advice to the LW - if you are really cool, and really over all of this, just move on. Seriously. Someone I love went through something similar, and it becomes a vicious circle. Person transgresses - peers ostracize him - person feels small and tries way too hard to make others like him - peers' distain for him grows even more - person lashes out - peers reject him totally - person now feels like dirt and stops caring what others think, now wants revenge. My fear is that the LW is entering the latter stage. It's time to stop obsessing over this and try again somewhere else. Your peers have rejected you. It must feel awful, but just move on. It's almost impossible to get out of this cycle. You are one man, they are many. You could ruin your life if you don't let this go.