Letters to the Editor
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Not likely.
Loretta, one man might not tell you that he's gay or bi because he's afraid of losing you. (And the LW's question would be very different if these men were gay.) Several men are not likely to have the same problem. It's possible, of course. But (and I say this as a gay woman) being queer just isn't common enough for you to easily run into a whole string of closeted bisexual guys.
As several people have pointed out, stereotypically cross-gender behavior doesn't automatically make you gay, and being gay doesn't mean that you must show traits stereotypically associated with the other gender. Depending on where you live, it may be more or less unusual but The Big Book of Gay Behavior does not mandate certain behaviors for gay men and women. Maybe these men are just comfortable showing epicurean traits because you seem to like it in them.
The real question is why the LW is putting up with "friends" who question her taste in dates without having met them, and for really stupid reasons.
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DTMFA (Dump the Manipulative Friend Already)
Apologies to Dan Savage.
But LW, drop this jealous, interfering "friend." She's had her one chance to say her piece, and you've told her that you don't agree and neither of you are going to change your minds anytime soon. So if she keeps pressing the issue, she's either an interfering asshole, or, she's an interfering asshole. She doesn't respect you enough to drop the subject. Don't give her 999 more chances to trash your guy.
Brightstar is right that a lot of American women perpetuate the stereotype that men can only have certain hobbies or else they're gay. But you know, he forgets that the men themselves perpetuate it and enforce the stereotype with bullying, and potentially threats of violence or death against men who don't conform. So don't just blame the women. Remember-- most women are stupid. Most men are also stupid. The point is, you aren't trying to date 'most women' or 'most men.' You want to date someone who's better than that and sees you for who you really are, rather than whether you fit into a stereotypical box or not.
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live long enough...
...and so many assumptions evaporate.
Only halfway through high school (c 1970) were girls allowed to wear pants to school, and that was only after one pioneer kept wearing pants and getting suspended, wearing pants and getting suspended, until the school relented.
Same era, most places, men would not be caught dead wearing pink. Gay HS students would never be out. No men wore earrings. Small-pattern, bright-pastel colored flowered ties for men came out (1967-ish), and to wear one was really pushing the envelope.
It is so distressing that, as another poster says, men are more confined to rigid stereotypes. However he is wrong to blame women and feminism.
The women's liberation movement of the 60s/70s fought gender stereotypes, especially on the economic front. Much was loosened for women. But the rigid cultural standards for men ~ behavioral, emotional, occupational, appearance ~ were challenged too, and so much has changed. If brightstar is experiencing cultural confinement, perhaps we're in a backlash now. As a feminist, I certainly feel that.
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Jealousy
It sounds like your friend is just jealous... often times jealously comes out in strange remarks. I remember someone told me a story about how a coworker told them their new red haircolor didn't suit them and should change it. Eventually she changed it and practically the next day the coworker had the exact same hair color she used to have! It sounds like she's just jealous of your hot boyfriends and the only negative thing she can think of to tear them down is to question their orientation.
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It is tough to tell if a man is gay
I am not gay. But, I am free to wear pink though my co-workers think that it a "sign". I have been learning how to knit though that is seen as less than masculine. I like to cook, and I like romantic comedies. Plus, I haven't had a consistent girlfriend in a very long time. So, people jump to conclusions. I can't stop it, and it solves nothing to worry about it.
So, I think the LW should go out with whom she chooses and ignore any snide comments about their intelligence or sexual orientation. She is the one who enjoys the company of these men not the friend.
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Sorry to burst your bubble...
@Periwinkle Pussycat
I am a man, and I generally dislike eating. If there was an effective way to get enough food into my body without eating, then I would try it. Eating is a pain. It rarely brings me pleasure. And, I hate wine.
Not every man is trying to get into your pants. Sex is great. But, if there is no emotional connection for me, I would rather masturbate. It is cheaper and easier, and I can do other things right away other than spend time with some I don't give a damn about.
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Gay guy?
I have a way to test your friend's theory. How does he look in the negligee? Better than you? Then he might be, um, light in the loafers.
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Here's the deal.
Your friend is a closet lesbian that wants you. Just like your previous lesbian friend.
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Aromatherapy?
Shoot, I make my own aromatherapy every morning about 30 minutes after I've had my coffee.
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LW
It's really hard to be good friends with conservatives...just move them into the aquaintence category.
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Kernel (or whole silo) of truth?
It would seem obnoxious that the friend keeps saying this about about the LW's guys, but bottom line is, is it true or not? What happens in the LW's relationships? How long do they last? Why and how do they end? Are they ever consummated at all? If so, is the sex kind of lousy?
The friend may be pretty smart, pretty jealous, or pretty in love with the LW herself. Who knows. But if a close friend of mine who I otherwise respect had this same comment about each of my boyfriends, I'd be taking a look at the just-possible possibility that she was right.
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Safe sex is wrong.
As long as the boyfriend doesn't ask you to strap on a dildo and ride him like cowboy, I say you shouldn't worry about it.
-Chris
Shucks your no fun.