Letters to the Editor
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Q: How can you tell they're gay?
A: Every time I try to kiss them goodnight, they have to take a penis out of their mouths.
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She should re-write her question
It's kind of funny how she claims to be asking Cary on advice for dealing with this friend when it really seems what she is looking for is validation of her choice in boyfriends. After all, she was already in this situtation once before with another friend and she knew then how to correctly deal with it...
Also, since when is enjoying a port with fruit outside of the realm of the "common man". This woman sounds rather pretentious - I wish her a lot of luck with that.
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The green-eyed monster?
Perhaps your friend is jealous of your success at attracting men or is worried that your metrosexual boyfriends will usurp her place as your friend.
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What the...?
I have never heard of any straight guy being into aromatherapy or looking for antique lead crystal (or whatever it's called). The only reason a guy would say he's into those things is if (1) there's a lot of money to be made dealing those items, or (2) he's lying so he can get in your pants. Now, dessert wine and figs, that's another story, because that involves eating, and all men enjoy that.
I think your friend is just being bluntly honest. And you never said why things didn't work out with these men. What went wrong? Why did you end up breaking up? Were they too overcome with grief at pastor Ted Haggard's fall from grace? Or did they die of exhaustion from working out to a Richard Simmons video? Maybe they dumped you for a woman who would accompany them to the Rock Hudson "All That Heaven Allows" film festival?
I think the letter writer is joking around, anyway. Cary probably knows it's a joke but decided to publish the question/advice because he knew it would get a lot of page-views and responses.
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Really?
You're fabulous, your man-toys use moisturizer, and are apparently quite the success. So how come all your friends are mean to you? Must be a statistical anomoly.
Carry on!
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The friend is a prejudiced idiot.
What if she tended to date Jews, and her "friend" kept telling her that they were only after her money? Should they have a "good long conversation" about that?
There's nothing to talk about here. People who embrace idiotic stereotypes aren't worth having as friends. For the letter-writer: DTMFA, as a more blunt advice columnist is wont to say, and keep enjoying your metrosexuals, both in and out of the bedroom.
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Your friend is right
Any man who even recognizes, much less admits recognizing, a "1940s Schiaparelli negligée" is gay. Period. Even if he never touches, looks at, has feelings for, kisses, or has sex with a man in his entire life, he's gay.
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Your friends are clingy, needy. Number II is passive aggressive
The guys are challenging them in "their" stereotypical areas. Could it be your "girly girl" appearance is attracting the wrong type of friend?
These two friends may be attracted by the "feminine" or "stylized feminine" exterior. They may be "stylized" themselves and have highly limited ideas of what is feminine or masculine.
They are also not nice. The second one is passive aggressive. She is dismissing your correction and disrespectful of your judgement. If you say "they are not" then the conversation should be over. Using these tactics to undermine your trust in your own judgement is a rather nasty trait.
What characteristic do they have in common (besides bashing the men)? Could they be very traditional and believe in separate spheres for men? Do they see female friends as more important that boyfriends? Are they "stereotypical" in other attitudes about gender and race?
They are a little bigoted. As long as you are happy, they need to stop.
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actually
i think she's seeking validation that her friends are jealous of her (hence her reference to how pretty men find her). how obnoxious.
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Cary I love your complexity!
Hi Cary
I hope you haven't decided to keep it simple because we vociferous blow hearts in the letters section can't resist putting our oar in and particularly after that last letter about guilt, AA etc.
I don't know if you actually read all the letters responding to your colums but if you do you hopefully know that a majority of us love what you bring to the page. Poetry, myth, humanity and an acute vision. I don't always agree but I nearly always admire your writing style and your views.
Now to todays LW. In the words of Quentin Crisp "Some toughs are really queer and some queers are really tough" or if you like it with a western feel. "There ain't a bronco that can't be rode or a cowboy that can't be throw'd". Or to get really basic "Q. what's the difference between a straight man and a gay man? a. a six pack of beer."
In other words sexuality is a continum and trying to link non-sexual interests ie. aromatherapy etc. to sexual orientation will only get you confused. As long as they are helping you out of your vintage lingerie as they are admiring it I don't see the problem. Keep the interesting boyfriends and ditch the jealous girlfriend.
David Edler
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Women, keep us men in our little narrow limited stereotypical spheres of interest
God forbid, some of us men have interests beyond football, beer, and shooting guns.
I was not surprised when one of my housemates told me the other day her mom was not sure if I and another housemate of mine were both gay or not. The only conclusion we could come to was that since we were not acting all 'manlike' (not trying to get in her pants with stereotypical behavior) we were therefore somehow LESS than men.
the phrase "be a man" always bugged me, even in high school. Now I realize it is because, unlike you women, we men are still limited by most women in what we can like, do, express.
We're not real men unless we do manly things.
THANKS FOR THE PRISON, LADIES. Hope to repay you all some day for it.
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Enough with the stereotypes please
Can't we see by now that "gay" and "homosexual" are words that describe a person's sexuality, NOT their purchasing or eating or dressing habits? Sheesh. Does the guy in question want to have sex with girls or guys? Who do they want to fuck? Can the LW come right out and ask the guy? Repeat after me ... "are you gay?" Not that difficult. Only gay guys buy smelly soap? Gimme a break. And tell the "friend" to let go of her idiotic stereotypes so you all can get on with your lives and your relationships.