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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
I've been diagnosed as bipolar, and several other diagnosis depending on whatever was the shrink's pet specialty at the time I was seeing him/her. I don't deny that my brain chemistry is a tad out of whack and I need meds, maybe even every day of my life. However, psychiatric meds can cause symptoms that mimic the disease they are supposed to treat, and withdrawal symptoms can be hell.
Even psychiatrists will downplay withdrawal symptoms or be ignorant of certain ones. It's hard to go into detail if you're only seeing patients for ten minutes at a time. I agree that you shouldn't stage an intervention for your mother alone.
Commitment laws vary. You might want to seek legal advice, too, if you can.
1. She definately needs to see a doctor or several. Such a change in behavior can also be caused by a brain tumor. Seriously. I don't mean to be morbid.
2. Do everything everyone says you ought to do, but then after it doesn't work, be ready to step back and take on the burden of living your life. As fun as it might be to involuntarily committ an adult who may very well be a danger to herslef or others, it is really hard to accomplish.
3. Document everything she does, like you would in a nasty divorce. You may need that information for the order of protection you may have to apply for when you fail to committ her, if you know what I mean.
4. It sounds like you had a relationship once and it was good. Cherish those memories. My mother is a schizophrenic AND mean-spirited (just like what that article in the NYTimes yesterday was discussing.) She's lost and I never got to meet the person she was suppose to be. I hope you get her back.
Seriously. Your mother has been on this rampage for months and your very first move after all this time is to write to a complete stranger who can't even carry a weekly theme past 2 days? And you write knowing (though this is assuming a lot) the letters to the editor will all be a version of 1) I know exactly what you're going through because I'm going through it, too, or 2) I'm another complete stranger but here, let me give you a complete medical diagnosis based only on snippets of your letter or 3) Cary is a god and you meanies should never say anything bad about him, so just go away!
You, LW, have submitted the dumbest letter ever, although yesterday's was a close second. You know, the Asian guy who doesn't need to buy a cow because he gets his milk for free with that "ancient Chinese secret," called 'My parents will never approve of our marriage, so Shhh! and ley's have sex again.'
LW, your problems are beyond the scope of Cary the Book-Padder and his merry band of sycophants. Have you considered this: after stopping the Paxil mom finally came to her senses and she's just telling the truth? Hmmm.
A relatively common (but little-known) serious side-effect of taking Paxil (or any other SSRI) is the development of manic behavior. This sounds like what is happening to your mother. When she goes off the meds, she'll go back to normal.
Whatever the cause, you should get her to a psychiatrist now for evaluation and treatment before she gets into real trouble.
No really, you have to see the funny side of this.
You have my sympathy. I, too, experienced having a mentally ill mother. My mother was very paranoid and resisted all care during her illness. She died 7 years ago from a heart attack that could almost certainly have been prevented if she could have been persuaded to get routine health care, but she was much too paranoid to see a doctor. My best advice is to get in touch with your local chapter of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI). They should be able to hook you up with a group of people who are also struggling with mental illness in the family, and provide you with lots of useful information about medications, treatment and legal issues.
I found that dealing with a mentally ill family member is remarkably similar to having an alcoholic or addict in the family (which I have also experienced). It presents many of the same issues of understanding the limits of what one can do, learning to set boundaries with the ill family member, and coming to peace with the fact that other relatives will not necessarily support you in doing what you need to do to stay "sane." And, seriously, if NAMI doesn't have a support group for families in your area, you may want to check out Al-Anon.
The point I'm trying to make is that your mother may continue to act out in her illness for years to come, and meanwhile you have the right, and indeed the responsibility, to lead a peaceful, useful, happy life. It is natural when someone we love initially becomes ill, to be ourselves thrown into crisis. In my experience this is a marathon, not a sprint, and you have to find a way out of anxiety, misery and fear to some kind of peace in your own life.
Let me understand this. Your mother is damaging property, stalking people and threatening arson, an action which could kill her own daughter. The violence is escalating. And you're writing letters to us?
You can talk to mental health professionals and get support and look at treatment options, but you need to do more - and fast.
Call the ex-boyfriend and try to develop a timeline and more details about your mother's deterioration into insanity. He also might know the medical people who have been involved in her treatment, or lack of it.
Encourage the ex-boyfriend and his new lady to file police reports, just to get the behavior documented.
Talk to the police and start a file on her. Talk to neighbors, warn them and ask for help in monitoring her behavior. Establish the pattern of events and the escalation. Give the police the tools they need so that if she acts again, they can order her held for psychiatric evaluation. Get Social Services involved and see whether she can be labeled a vulnerable adult.
You may not be able to have your mother treated involuntarily, but the police might.
Don't wait until she kills someone and you have to explain why you didn't do more to prevent it.
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219 Democrats and one Republican join in favor of the legislation, which passed by a narrow margin
Salon headlines in your mailbox
