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Short history: I grew up with a mother who was violent and manipulative, alternating rage, violence, and control with brilliant creativity and wonderful support. She has beaten my father so badly he landed in a hospital; she has also been the most significant supporter of my own writing; she burned my father's immigration papers in a rage; and she is also the most brilliant and insightful person I know.
Several years ago, after my father left her, my mother self-diagnosed bipolar disorder, in part because she is an artist and it's known as an "artist's disease." It makes her feel special.
Increasingly, it's been my experience that psychiatrists and doctors diagnose bipolar disorder when it doesn't actually apply, and especially diagnose it when the patient (usually very intelligent) knows the symptoms by heart and can retrofit them for their own condition. Not all medical professionals are bright enough to see through it.
In truth, my mother very likely has borderline personality disorder, a condition that is characterized by unpredictable bouts of rage and by a deep talent for manipulation (or what we people close to them perceive as manipulation). They redefine their own realities and are so terrified of finding faults within themselves that they devote all energies to blaming every problem in their lives on the people closest to them.
Borderline people are almost overwhelmingly women, often mothers.
Because borderline people are so frightened of not being perfect, they are rarely successfully treated because they will not admit that anything is wrong with _them_.
A borderline mother, or any loved one, will suck you dry of energy, love, money, and your own life. If this is your mother, you have to realize her capacity to wreck your life completely in an effort to keep her own whole.
If this sounds something like your mother, there are several resources for helping you deal with it. "Stop Walking on Eggshells" is a book that helps people keep mental stability around their borderline relatives. There is also a website for BPD relatives: http://www.bpdresources.com/supportnons.html
Unfortunately, none of these will help cure your mother. It sounds like her violence has gone beyond the point where it is manageable, meaning you and others might have to involve police. It can't be helped. The important thing is to keep yourself sane and only give as much as will allow you to keep your own life intact.
Whatever is wrong with her, you are never alone. Good luck.
