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• Thursday, February 8, 2007 05:40 AM

  Contact NAMI

  You have my sympathy. I, too, experienced having a mentally ill mother. My mother was very paranoid and resisted all care during her illness. She died 7 years ago from a heart attack that could almost certainly have been prevented if she could have been persuaded to get routine health care, but she was much too paranoid to see a doctor. My best advice is to get in touch with your local chapter of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI). They should be able to hook you up with a group of people who are also struggling with mental illness in the family, and provide you with lots of useful information about medications, treatment and legal issues.

  I found that dealing with a mentally ill family member is remarkably similar to having an alcoholic or addict in the family (which I have also experienced). It presents many of the same issues of understanding the limits of what one can do, learning to set boundaries with the ill family member, and coming to peace with the fact that other relatives will not necessarily support you in doing what you need to do to stay "sane." And, seriously, if NAMI doesn't have a support group for families in your area, you may want to check out Al-Anon.

  The point I'm trying to make is that your mother may continue to act out in her illness for years to come, and meanwhile you have the right, and indeed the responsibility, to lead a peaceful, useful, happy life. It is natural when someone we love initially becomes ill, to be ourselves thrown into crisis. In my experience this is a marathon, not a sprint, and you have to find a way out of anxiety, misery and fear to some kind of peace in your own life.

  —Hellocutie1 Read Hellocutie1's other letters
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