- Top Features:
- War Room
- Glenn Greenwald
- Broadsheet
- Joan Walsh
- Camille Paglia
- Since You Asked
- Follow Salon:
Read other letters about this article
I know what LW's boyfriend is going through. He is being cowardly and he needs to make up his mind. You are both in your 40s for chrissakes make up your mind about what you want already. I am an Indian by birth but I've lived nearly a third of my life in the US and I don't really feel an affinity for one of the other nation or to either culture. As such I am forging and plan to forge ahead with a new culture that will have to inevitably resolve issues and encompass both cultures and keep the peace in my life.
A few years back I was in a short relationship with a white girl and as such was not sure how I would introduce her to my parents. But, as it turned out I didn't have to and we broke up quite soon after I started contemplating the question. But one of the things that I got out of it was that I resolved never to introduce my "girlfriends" until I'm sure I've met the one that will be my wife. I do intend to get married at some point if that means anything to anybody. As such the parents can put all kinds of pressure on their immigrant son but it will come to nought if the boy is a strong personality.
Asian families are very patriarchal and as such women might wield a lot of power over the younger members but if the son is strong enough he can change the balance of power in the family. The LW's boyfriend must make a decision and she should push him, not blackmail him into telling his parents. She should push him to make a decision. It sounds as if the LW herself is not sure whether she wants to be with this boyfriend of hers. If she is sure then push him to introduce her to his parents, push him to become a part of his family, push him to integrate their lives into his family's. That is the only way to bring this to a resolution. Family is a good thing, don't try to break it up by bringing unusual and unresolvable tensions. Work through the family system to find happiness. Ultimately, the parents might not accept you completely but they will come around to the fact that their son has chosen a path.
Also, by pushing him you will find out if he is interested in you and meeting your goals. Otherwise, you can choose to stay with him quid-pro-quo or leave him. Family is important, do not undermine family's importance. Individuality is possible in the family, it requires strong characters and a strong relationship to make things work. Nobody said LOVE is a walk in the park. It requires work, understanding and compromises. That's reality!
