- Top Features:
- War Room
- Glenn Greenwald
- Broadsheet
- Joan Walsh
- Camille Paglia
- Since You Asked
- Follow Salon:
Read other letters about this article
You versus a whole culture? Specifically, you versus an immigrant (and thus tenaciously clung to and far more traditional) culture?
You can't win.
I know that might be hard to hear. There are hints in your letter of you being what others might call an "winner" in other parts of your life. Cross-cultural dating at 40; boyfriend OK with your child; these are things that "winners" have and do.
But you can't win against the combined might of both his parents and their shared culture -- because you've defined "winning" as "them accepting things they can't accept".
Try defining winning in other terms and see if you can accept them. How would accepting their rejection of you until they die grab you? I mean they are old! Could you live with that?
What about ending the relationship -- because you truly do love this guy and want to "set him free" to be the good Asian son -- a role that he was, literally, born and bred to play? Could that be a "win"?
Of course there is another "win" condition -- but this one might offend you, so fair warning. Are you fertile? Set about delivering a son, and you might be able to "win".
Sorry, wish I had words of encouragement about true love winning over culture -- but I've seen many people go down that road you're on -- but I've never seen a victory in the terms you seem to want.
