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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
You versus a whole culture? Specifically, you versus an immigrant (and thus tenaciously clung to and far more traditional) culture?
You can't win.
I know that might be hard to hear. There are hints in your letter of you being what others might call an "winner" in other parts of your life. Cross-cultural dating at 40; boyfriend OK with your child; these are things that "winners" have and do.
But you can't win against the combined might of both his parents and their shared culture -- because you've defined "winning" as "them accepting things they can't accept".
Try defining winning in other terms and see if you can accept them. How would accepting their rejection of you until they die grab you? I mean they are old! Could you live with that?
What about ending the relationship -- because you truly do love this guy and want to "set him free" to be the good Asian son -- a role that he was, literally, born and bred to play? Could that be a "win"?
Of course there is another "win" condition -- but this one might offend you, so fair warning. Are you fertile? Set about delivering a son, and you might be able to "win".
Sorry, wish I had words of encouragement about true love winning over culture -- but I've seen many people go down that road you're on -- but I've never seen a victory in the terms you seem to want.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
