Site Presented By
Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
I am a white woman married to an Asian man. We are happy and his parents accepted me, but we've had our share of inlaw troubles. In many Asian cultures the family is organized in a hierarchy according to age/ gender. The father is at the top of the totem pole and the daughter-in-law is the lowest-ranked person in the family. This is very deeply ingrained, and his parents' desires will probably always trump yours. (Of course this depends on how assimilated into American culture he is. And I'm making sweeping generalizations. But bear with me.) In American culture we think that the husband/wife relationship should come before the relationship with parents, but in Asian cultures it's the other way around. That said, if your relationship is going to work, he will have to stand up to his parents. I think giving him a timeline is a good idea, but realize that if you do stay together, this is probably going to be an ongoing issue in your marriage.
A couple of other things you should think about:
1) Many Asian parents expect their children to give them money every month.
2) Many Asian parents expect to live with their children in retirement.
Also, I don't think it's fair to call him "cowardly and infantile". He is following the rules of his culture, and you are following the rules of yours. You will both have to adapt.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
