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And guilt is powerful. Your boyfriend has been trying to resist the will of his parents when it comes to marriage. Most of his life, I bet. That's why he is in his 40's, not married, living with you and keeping it a secret. He already knows how they feel about you and has no hope of convincing them otherwise. He's trying to hold them off and grow a backbone. But, sadly he won't win. And in his heart of hearts he knows he can't. And, I bet he loves you. But his parents' will is stronger than his own. He does not have a mind of his own when pitted against their will. They are out now shopping for a Chinese bride, I bet. And here is how it will play out.
Mama and Papa sans will announce to only son that they've found a suitable Chinese wife who will produce grandsons. They will say your boyfriend must marry the candidate because they promised her and her family he would. For your boyfriend to say no, his parents will tell him, would be an embarrassment to them (his parents)and bring them shame in their community because they went back on their word.
Boyfriend's parents will wear him down. And you will see it happening. You will be supportive. You will give him strong supportive advice. He might even tell you about this "bride" they are pushing on him because you are soul mates after all. You will be shocked at their audacity. You will laugh. Then one day boyfriend will meet bride-to-be, likely an import or someone local who buys in to the tradition of the old folks. He'll see her a few times. One look too many and he'll figure she's not so bad. That's when he'll suggest that the two of you live separately again and urge that "no matter what happens we are friends for life." That last line is the killer. You're out. She's in.
How do I know? It happened to me, an American Black woman. I got kicked to the curb. He was Nigerian, 45 years old, twice divorced from abusive Nigerian women his parents picked by the time I met him. You'd think he'd question their track record and go for happiness of his own choosing. But...their still picking. And they don't even live here! They are all the hell the way in Africa! And he couldn't resist! They sent him another bride! Cause the selfish bastards want a grandson! The three granddaughters he gave them are not enough! It's not race. It's culture. It runs deep. And to we gals whose heart and soul are ruled by love, it's stupid.
