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• Wednesday, February 7, 2007 06:25 AM

  Racism in any culture

  Perhaps it is their wish to have a Chinese daughter in law with whom they can speak Chinese. Many first generation immigrants do not speak the language well, because they had been working night and day in their family shop, and did not have the benefit of free time for education. So they gave best to the contract they knew: sacrifice for the children because they are not separate from you. Nurture them because they are part of you.

  DOn't use tradition to justify bullying. I have known first and second generation Chinese who do not do this. They came here, they knew what they were getting into, they raised the children between two worlds.

  It is not their lives. And racist traditions deserve no quarter. I refuse to "respect" racism against anyone on the basis of "culture" and "tradition". China itself is changing, so let's not act like modern Chinese reinforce this. Bullying parents know no race and limit. There's a reason "in-law troubles" are right up there in the top five reasons for divorce.

  On top of that, if they want grandchildren, they come from her. The couple has more power here, if they choose to use it. He can back them off, if he wishes.

  I suspect he likes being able to use Mommy and Daddy as an excuse. This is "infantile". This is "immature". One of the things about dating cross-culturally is tolerance BOTH ways. I see it on her part. Where is his?

  One week. Even that is really too long.

  —domini Read domini's other letters
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