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• Wednesday, February 7, 2007 12:57 PM

  the way of love

  bonita said: "it sounds like she's putting to him the ultimate test: them or me? which is unfair and selfish. if you love someone, you don't make him choose."

  Wow. That statement really hit the nail on the head for me. A fair number of letters here exude a "me, me, me" attitude, focusing on ultimatums and judgment, advising that, since the boyfriend has not told his parents about her, he clearly has no balls and she should leave him right away. These responses display only love of one's self and intolerance of anything that falls short of that "I should have it all" ideal. True love is not like that. True love is unselfish and giving, understanding and kind. This man's parents are an inescapable part of him. He is a product of a culture where "honor thy mother and father" is not just lip service but, rather, an ingrained part of his soul. He has known them for his entire life, while he has only known you only a fraction of that time. And yet, despite this, he has chosen to be with you. He is living with you. If you truly love him, should you force him to choose between his parents and you, his love, with no room for both? Or should you instead acknowledge the importance of his parents in his life and try to lessen the gap between you and them, understanding that this is no simple task but, rather, one that will take years? If you and he truly love each other, you will not demand. You will instead intertwine and adapt and find a way to let that light shine through, growing ever stronger throughout your lives.

  —billin Read billin's other letters
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