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Wednesday, February 7, 2007 12:00 AM

From dating an Asian man to living with him: Parents still don't know

I'm a white woman in my 40s. His parents don't approve of me. Am I just insecure?

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  • Tuesday, February 6, 2007 11:40 PM

    Here's a hint: needs to hear it from another angle

    No one likes deadlines or ultimatums, regardless of race, gender, class, etc, yet they are understandable. I wouldn't put it on the table like that because I don't think it works. Instead this guy needs to hear it from another angle...perhaps a friend that understands the cultural bias.

    If this friend has any sense (no guarantee), they'll ask the simple question to this guy: who are you marrying/going to be with, your GF or your parents? Who is going to make you happier in the long run. The answer and realization should be pretty obvious and he'll probably get it. The deadline will only put stress on a seemingly winless situation.

    BTW, Asian guys aren't any more ballless or cowardly then any other race. It afflicts all races equally. The cultural context, baggage, stereotypes and the expression of the balllessness are however different.

    In Asian culture the definition of a man isn't defined by money, power, swagger, big gestures (although none hurt) but instead by responsibility...personal responsibility and to others...the ability to shoulder it, not whine or run away. Even samurai (guys with MASSIVE CAJONES) lived by this rule. It's a basic tenet to Buddhism and the concept of "inter-connectiveness". (See you learn something every day.)

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