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This relationship reminds me of the night-blooming cereus. Any relationship that would wither if the light of day shone upon it is not hardy enough to survive. Your boyfriend lives in secrecy because the pull of his parents' opinion is so great that he cannot set himself free to live his own life. But really, living in total freedom is a very Western concept. We really do worship at the altar of self-determination. I certainly do. But in other cultures, the individual is not more important than his or her obligation to familly. Your boyfriend is Asian, you and he are not the same. He is at a crossroads where he either embraces you and accepts that he'll not be a good Asian boy, or he fully embraces the bulk of his culture. It's so easy to say he's unmanly or a coward for making you his secret, but what he needs is understanding combined with a deadline for action. You cannot live as a secret. My dear friend, who is gay, has a partner with whom she has lived for 10 years. Her partner's family has no idea that she exists, so she spends every holiday alone, she goes unescorted to weddings, she lives without the joy of knowing that others think that your love is a good thing. I feel for you boyfriend and for my friend's girlfriend, but I don't respect living in secrecy. Whether or not a person is having a sexual identity crisis or a cultural identity crisis, the reality is that you cannot bury your head in the sand or live in secrecy - it only serves to hurt those you love.
