- Top Features:
- War Room
- Glenn Greenwald
- Broadsheet
- Joan Walsh
- Camille Paglia
- Since You Asked
- Follow Salon:
Read other letters about this article
We Chinese men, particularly if raised outside of China, have it drummed in our heads that our parents sacrificed so much to give us the easy life we take for granted now. To not honour their wishes would be tantamount to betrayal. Although on the surface their demands sound ludicrous, sometimes these parents aren't being monsters or selfish bastards, they just truly & earnestly believe they are acting in the best interest of their children, and doing so based on what they know - their culture, heritage & own upbringing. (leontan)
I believe the BF's parents would have the same problem if he were living with a "more assimilated" Chinese woman -- even a Chinese woman who had been adopted and raised by American parents.
It's hard for someone with an exclusively American upbringing to understand, the loyalty to one's family that is nurtured in the East. People have touched on this, but here in the U.S., the most important thing in one's life is supposed to be the individual: everything else is second place. There is nothing wrong with this.
In the East, the most important thing is family -- past, present and future. Everything you do is for the family -- and there is nothing wrong with this either; it's a different way to live. A different focus, if you will.
People born into these two different cultures/mindframes, sometimes believe that their way of life is absolute -- how can anyone live differently.
The BF's parents are probably afraid that this relationship with LW will cause them to lose their son. They are probably thinking, How can LW understand our family? Will she honor us?
It may not be fair, but if the LW loves and honors her BF, she will stick around and find ways to show her future in-laws (if that's in the cards) that she respects them, that she loves her BF AND his family. Eventually, they will get it. She must lead by example.
It may not be fair that she has to do this by virtue of where she born, but the reality is -- there is so much that the BF and his family has had to deal with -- by virtue of where THEY were born. It's the least she can do if she really loves him...
