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One thing to consider: the stakes may be higher for the boyfriend than the LW realizes.
Been there, done that. Married a European-American and ended up disowned, much to the surprise of my spouse, who had hoped to charm my parents into acceptance. Didn't happen. Fast forward ten years and a divorce. My folks still refuse to acknowledge me. What makes it difficult is that they're now going through terminal illness. As it is, I don't have any siblings, so this makes for a less than ideal situation for everyone.
Not all Asian families reject their offspring for entering a multiethnic relationship, and the ones that do may do so to varying degrees. Yes, the boyfriend's family is being racist. No, the LW doesn't have to accept that. But she does have to accept the possibility that she may be asking her boyfriend for a much larger sacrifice than she realizes, especially if he currently has a good relationship with his parents. She sees it as a matter of "standing up" for her. For him, it could mean losing his family (to say nothing of going against at least part of his cultural values), and this could have reverberations throughout his entire extended family. Particularly as his parents grow older and start needing assistance.
How can one explain this experience to those who cannot conceive of it?
Blood isn't always thicker than water. Given an absolute either/or choice, are most people sure which they'd choose?
Ultimately, it sounds as if neither the LW nor the parents can understand or accept the other's cultural values or POV. The boyfriend's stuck in the middle, as both sides make demands of him. This could potentially turn into a rather unpleasant lose-lose situation. If the LW finds her current situation intolerable, it may be a good idea for her to let the relationship cool off, at least for the time being. Forcing the issue may cause more problems than she realizes, and may not be worth it.
