Letters to the Editor

How to eulogize the dad no one likes? My friend's father is just one more reason feminism exists -- but can we say that? By Cary Tennis [2007-01-31]

• I once heard

  A 70-year-old daughter eulogize her 90-year-old mother in a way that made clear she had not liked or felt close to her mother. She said things like, "She tried, but did not have the tools to be a good mother. She made the best onion soup you ever tasted, but she didn't know what she was doing." It was not a hateful eulogy, and we kept waiting for it to turn around somehow, like "She wasn't up to the task of being a single parent to her children, but she was there and we knew she loved us." That did not happen. I wasn't close to either of these women, but I knew the mother and she always seemed pretty nice to me. I just made the decision there and then that when my parents died, I would not bring any bitterness or animosity to their funeral. It makes people uncomfortable, doesn't make the eulogizer seem very nice. I just think it would be better to give a middle of the road eulogy that doesn't offend. It's one thing to make hypothetical jokes about someone's funeral, much different to actually disparage them at their funeral.

  -- carrie
  Permalink Flag Wednesday, January 31, 2007 06:29 AM
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