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Read other letters about this article
See? No hazy poetry about the special needs of adult male babies or abstract musings about the nature of interpersonal commitment and how if you sit in a meadow and ponder a ladybug for a while you might transcend to some higher plane where being tied to an alcoholic for life isn't so bad.
Thing is, as adults we can afford to take two or three steps down a bad staircase if it's just about us. Then maybe hazy abstract musings can be helpful...they help us decide how to try to look at things.
But with kids involved, there's only one priority: protect them. The cannot protect themselves and we have no right to indulge in risky choices when we're responsible for and to them.
That's why I don't have kids. I like doing things that are not healthy for kids to be around. Probably not healthy for me to be around, but that's my choice: I'm here for a good time, not a long time.
In this case, the fundamental fallacy of thought is that you can help an alcoholic by using the relationship (and the threatened dissolution thereof) a carrot or a stick.
The marriage may or may not survive this time, but you have to leave NOW without any promises of coming back or anything. These are his children, he will always be part of their lives and therefore yours. The healthiest thing for his children, and he MUST acknowledge this, is to be apart from him right now.
No problem with alcohol? As a childless adult if you want to get drunk more than is healthy, well, that might not be a problem. But it's a problem for your young children to EVER see you out of control on a drug, let alone on a regular basis, let even more alone on the holidays.
Focus on the children. Leave him to his path. If he finds his way out, great. If not, you'll be glad you left.
