Letters to the Editor
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"don't bother trying to find her, she's not there...." kinks
yes -- and yes, wear a condom and change the locks, put a timer by the telephone and end conversations after 5 minutes ... if you have to "talk" or "meet" do so somewhere outside the home ...
She's had more than enough time at this point to send down a "rainbow sign" ... and there's not a fucking glimmer (really) ...
She's likely never gonna figure out what she wants cause apparently settling down makes her claustrophobic -- and, as Cary said -- that's really not your problem and you and your kids neither deserve to be treated this way nor do any of you have time for this bullshit. YOU HAVE LIVES.
She needs to move herself and her stuff out --- or you and your kids need to go -- the latter --unfair as it may be -- if she's gonna prevaricate. Imho, her actions of late prove her to be immature and monumentally self-centered. Not a glimmer of remorse.
Call her bluff. Get it over with. Change the locks. Let her "work it out" on her own dime with her own therapist -- that's not you.
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Father's Rights? Really?
Cary, you know those guys are thinly-disguised antifeminists, right?
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Re: Juniper Flesco
Amen, brother. Amen. You hit every single note right on the head.
The only thing I would add to your *excellent* letter is that I have a gut feeling, based on this woman's pervasive and guiltless dishonesty so far, that she is about to strip LW of everything he owns while she keeps him busy wringing his hands and guessing what wrongs he never did.
Dear LW, if I may ever so gently suggest... please get an attorney NOW, don't let her know you have done so, and start closing joint accounts. If you have savings that she has access to, you need to close that access in a hurry. You need to look at checking accts, savings accts, credit cards where she is either joint or authorized user, 401(k)s, and anything else you hold jointly. She can establish credit in her own name and so can you. You can cut her a check for her share of jointly held assets. I'm not saying steal; I'm saying LOCK DOWN. ESPECIALLY the cash and credit cards.
You see, as it stands right now, with her blithely parading her disinterest and infidelity before you, there is no reason for her not to take all of it, and charge more debt besides. Start calling and closing TODAY, and get custody of the plastic ASAP, cutting it up as soon as you get it. If you have to grab it while she's taking a shower, do so. And do not give her advance notice.
This woman is a bad one. I agree with Cary 100%. Usually I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but something about this one tells me there's a tornado coming, and LW's fixin to lose the homestead. Batten down, LW. Batten down. If you don't, and she rips you off for everything you own, you have only yourself to blame. I don't care if you don't want to think of her this way; close all the doors and batten down the hatches and then you may think of her any way you like. :)
There is something very, very wrong with this woman, LW. More than you can see or acknowledge right now, I think. Best wishes to you, and please don't delay. Ensure the safety of your finances TODAY.
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This sounds so familiar
I was there. I didn't have children, but I was in a committed relationship with a woman who was cheating on em.
We had a terrific sex life, good laughs, fun times, and goals for the future. I thought I would marry her. I was planning to get engaged. She wanted to go to grad school and I was prepared to pay her way through while I got going on my career. I loved her completely.
She loved me too, I think, but not enough. The same thing happened to me as the LW -- there were these mysterious disappearances, these vague, lame excuses, and then I realized she was cheating on me. I was angry and upset; it was like a waking nightmare. There was the pain of irreversibility, of something gone forever. But I wanted so much to triumph over that reality and reconstruct what had been good before. I was prepared to forgive her and move forward. But she never took responsibility for what she did. She never explained why, or made it clear to me that she wouldn't ever do anything like it again. I could never trust her again....I could never leave town without having that very palpable fear of her betrayal.
Then one day I realized I had an STD. I had had few partners, most of them many years earlier, while I was in my late teens. Never had any signs of an STD. Now I had one and obviously it came from my girlfriend who must have got it from the guy(s?) she had slept with.
My life has never been the same. I can't even date normally without having to bring up the STD and kill the romance. I haven't talked to my ex in years. There is no point in even trying to be friends with her. I am still angry at her. I will be angry at her forever.
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Am I missing something?
Child support? What is Cary talking about? This couple was married one year and the kids aren't hers. I have no idea why he brought up child support. Won't (and shouldn't) happen.
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The child support issue
Seems to me a lot of you letter writers are getting needlessly side-tracked by the question of child support.
Maybe the man can get child support, maybe he can't. I think Cary's suggested that he look into it, not that it was a certainty. The main point is that the man should see a divorce lawyer and find out what his rights are.
I imagine no one would have a problem if Cary suggested to a woman in a similar situation that she find out whether she is entitled to child support. Right? So, then, it should make sense for a man to do the same.