Letters to the Editor
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Surprised by Cary's Response!
huh? not sure i understand. why THIS relationship? why advise THIS man to divorce his wife?
to his credit, cary generally sees the gray area. the context and complication of relationships and human fallibility. so why doesn't this woman deserve the same understanding? that was not a rhetorical question, actually. why THIS woman?
so she has doubts. so she had an isolated affair because she married/became monogamous too young. so she doesn't know if she wants to be a mother, perhaps. why is it not worth going to counseling to try to resolve these very human, possibly very resolvable issues?
i don't get it.
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Dump her trick ass in the gutter
That is all
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Contempt.
I just read an article that you can predict whose marriages will end: couples who have contempt for one another.
I think she's shown a lot of contempt, not just by having the affair, but by lying about it...repeatedly. She doesn't seem to want to be in the marriage, & she uses his anxiety problem against him. To me, she's showing a sort of passive contempt. She's out.
I agree w/ Cary; I think he should move on.
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This marriage is over
It's over. You know it. She knows it. Start the planning process for when you are apart.
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I'm also surprised by Cary's response -
I expected to hear the usual daffodils, fluffy clouds, and sunsets perspective - "dump that bitch already" is right on the money.
I'm sure LW can find a decent, beautiful, smart, successful, around-his-age woman (with many other stellar qualities) without looking too far....
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DTP
or, in the words of someone infamous, dump the bitch. It is over. WTF are you afraid of? Be a man. Dump the hag, now.
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Lyle Lovett said it best...
"She's already made up her mind."
Time to let go.
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About. Fucking. Time.
For Cary to get one right and not even wax eloquent (or what passes for eloquent with him) over it.
Dear LW,
You are a fucking moron. And a lousy dad for subjecting your children to all this hate just because you want to get laid. That is why God gave you arms long enough to reach your dick, you imbecile.
Be a man and dump that loser. Be a father and protect your children. Be a human and stand up for yourself. You must know by now that young pussy is not a long-term proposition, just something you may get lucky enough to sample once in awhile. You've dunked your donut, now get back to raising your children while demonstrating some self-respect in the process.
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Why?
I'm rarely one to excoriate a woman (the misogynists who frequent this thread do it much better than I could) but good lord, this woman is repulsive. As to why Cary advised this man to end his marriage, when usually he finds grounds for reconciliation - he was dead on. This marriage is over, and the sooner the LW gets this toxic child bride out of his life, the better off he'll be.
so she doesn't know if she wants to be a mother, perhaps
Too fucking late for that. She married a guy with kids, with custody of those kids. There is no way in hell she can decide now that she doesn't want to be a mother. If she's ambivalent about raising children then she needs to get the fuck out. Now.
As for her accusations that she never felt like they were her kids and she had no way of parenting them - I'd personally take those claims much more seriously if she hadn't had an affair and blamed her husband for it. And then decided that she wants to give up on those kids because, oh, she's not ready for motherhood. What a selfish little harridan.
LW, a word of caution. Your wife sounds very much like someone who only wants what she can't have - so chances are good that once you draw a line in the sand and say, This marriage is over, she'll change her mind again and decide she wants to be with you. Do not let her back in your life. For your sake, for your kids' sake. There is room for forgiveness here, but she's proven that her needs and desires are more important than yours or your kids, and she's demonstrated no willingness or even ability to change.
You poor guy. Best wishes to you.
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Re: Contempt
Someone wrote:
"I just read an article that you can predict whose marriages will end: couples who have contempt for one another."
Not all those contemptuous marriages end. Some drag out for decades, leaving husband, wife and children drained, scarred and miserable beyond description.
LW, be glad you've wasted only a few years of your life on this woman who absolutely does not love you.
My only question is what would possibly make you think she is worth one more minute of your effort? Is this is a matter of pride, that you've been divorced once and feel you should try to hold this non-marriage together?
From your description, she sounds more like an 18-year-old than a 32-year-old. Try to find someone closer to your own age who's past the need for work boyfriends and apartments of her own and lying to her "dad."
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Ummm,,,
I think I agree that the marriage is over and it's time to move on, sad as that is. And I think the LW has pretty much managed to put himself into a defensive position by taking the blame and taking the meds.
What I'm not clear on (and maybe I missed something) is why this woman would be up for child support. They're not her kids, pretty much in any sense except that she married their dad. The children's mother should be supporting them, but I'm not sure why their father's new wife should when she becomes his new ex-wife.
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Dear Cary....
....I am on fire. I was out for a walk this morning, listening to the blue jays and just lovin' life when a passing spark from a bum's barrel fire landed on my gasoline-soaked straw coat and ignited it. Yep, I just looked again, sure enough, still on fire. Should I maybe start rolling around on the ground or grab a hose or something, or can I talk this thing out?
Oh come on already, man. You know what to do. Ruck up and do it.